Following the Stars

Chapter One Hundred and Eight

*RIP JEFF BECK*

Lexie and Johnny had made the mad rush to Sussex when they heard how poorly Jeff had become in the New Year, it didn't seem right that somebody who was sat with them toasting the new year only days prior was in hospital. Sadly with their arrival came more sad news, there wasn't much that could be done for the legendary guitar player. This hurt Johnny more than anyone could have ever imagined. Him and Jeff were nigh on inseparable and the pair were the best of friends.

Lexie had taken to running the house on behalf of Sandra, dealing with enquires, the mammoth admin that somebody leaves behind after passing, and day to day taking care of the new widow and Johnny. She had donned a black cap, her long black coat and sunglasses to head out to the local town to pick up some groceries, the last thing she wanted was to be recognised especially when she was grieving herself. She hadn't known Jeff too long, but what she did know was that he was a great man and would be dearly missed. As she pulled up in her car on The Beck's drive, Travis jumped out the passenger seat. "I'm pretty sure that was a 50.. if you get done for speeding don't blame me." He chuckled trying to make the woman smile. Lexie smirked before opening the boot of the car and began pulling out the bags of shopping. She approached the front door and opened it with the spare key Sandra had kindly found her, and called out. Nobody replied which wasn't unusual, Sandra and Johnny had taken to lying on their respective beds each day staring at the ceiling for hours on end. The duo walked the shopping into the kitchen and Lexie dismissed Travis "I won't be going out anywhere else, so feel free to head off. I'm sure there is a million things you could be doing instead of chilling with me." The man smiled and kissed her cheek trying to offer some comfort before heading off. Lexie wandered round the downstairs of the house hanging up her jacket and kicking off her shoes when she noticed the door to the snug was open. She peered in and was gobsmacked at what she saw.

Johnny had large puffy red eyes surrounded by bags. He looked so distraught, she barely recognised the man. His clothing was disheveled and he didn't look like he had changed, let alone showered since returning from the hospital days prior. What scared her the most was the neat white lines in front of him on the coffee table. Beside them, was a small bag with pills in and another large bag of weed beside a tumbler glass that had a large portion of whiskey in it. The woman was paralysed at the sight, Johnny had been clean since his divorce. He took pride in it, this couldn't be him falling off the wagon could it? She knew this was going to be a hard time but surely this wasn't the answer? He always spoke so negatively about drugs and how badly they affected his life, surely not?

She watched as Johnny held a small card in his hand, neatening the lines over and over again. She heard him sigh and take a deep breath, she watched as tears rolled down his cheek, and how he abruptly wiped them away and straightened his shoulders. She took a step closer but still remained hidden, she watched him lean back on the couch staring at the ceiling before he sat back up and lent over the table, neatening the lines once more. She couldn't handle much more and entered the room making herself known. Johnny's eyes went wide as he stared at his wife and then down at the table repeatedly, knowing he had been caught red handed. They both silently stared at one another for what felt like an incredibly long time but it was realistically only a moment or two. "Well?" Lexie said sternly. "Well what?" Johnny said grumpily probably at the realisation of being caught. "Well.. when did you decide drugs were the answer again?" Johnny shrugged "I thought.." Lexie interrupted, she was annoyed at how calm he was at the situation. "No Johnny you don't think, you clearly didn't think at all? How hard did you fucking work to get clean? How often have you told me that it was the hardest thing you've ever had to do?!!" Johnny put his head in his hands. The massive hangover he had was really kicking in now. "Are you even listening to me?" His wife continued before she rolled her eyes at his lack of response and left the room abruptly. She began picking up items that were hers and neatly piling them at the bottom of the stairs. She tidied away the shopping speedily before Johnny finally emerged from the snug as she was beginning to make Sandra a cup of tea. "Darling.." he approached quietly. "Don't fucking darling me. Would you have even told me if I hadn't of caught you doing it?" He shrugged. "Where the fuck did you even source that stuff? You haven't left our room for fucking days?" Johnny shrugged again. "Well???" She asked leaning on the kitchen side. "I umm I erh, asked Sean too." "You got Sean to get it for you??! And he just did? Knowing how hard you've worked to get clean. Maybe the world is fucking right Johnny... You say jump and people say how high. Do you not get how serious this is??? Do you want to lose your life again?" Johnny slowly began to realise that all his wife's anger was coming from a place of love and care. He nodded slowly. "Johnny. Your kids fucking need you, Sandra needs you... I need you." Lexie had tears in her eyes as she said the last part of her sentence quietly. "Do you think Jeff left this world unexpectedly and left you to fuck things up? No. He would want you to be the man he knows you are, take care of his wife, continue the legend." Johnny nodded before she broke down completely. He slowly approached and tried to put an arm round her but she shrugged it off. "Either go do your stuff.. or get rid of it. You know how I feel about drugs." He nodded sheepishly. Never did she think he would actually leave her in the kitchen alone. She wiped her face before continuing to make the tea for Sandra and carried it carefully upstairs, she avoided the area near the snug at all costs, he could do what he wanted he was a grown man, she had never wanted to control anyone in her life let alone the man she loved so dearly and fiercely but she was worried that the pain had taken his common sense and wondered whether it would come back in time to stop him doing something he may regret.

"Sandra, I've made you a cup of tea, can I come in?" She knocked gently on the master bedroom door. "Come in." Sandra called quietly and Lexie entered gently placing the mug on the bedside table. She turned to leave when Sandra grabbed her wrist. "Darling, thank you so much." "It's only a cup of tea." Lexie said sweetly, anguish still visible on her face. "No for everything sweetheart." Lexie smiled before Sandra pulled her to sit down on the edge of the bed where she was sat. "Have you been crying my love?" Lexie shook her head but failed to hide the tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm just so sad, for you, for Jeff. Goodness he would be laughing at me now wouldn't he." Sandra smiled "That he would. It was rare that man wasn't smiling. You're entitled to grieve my darling." "I feel silly, you've just lost your husband and here I am crying on your bed." Sandra smiled "Darling, the amount of grief shows how loved he was." "He always will be." Lexie smiled before standing and leaving the room.

Lexie returned to the guest room her and Johnny had been staying in. She grabbed her holdall and began packing things, but then stopped after a few minutes. She couldn't run, there was no point hiding from their issues, she needed to get Johnny help, and resolve the issue not run and hide like a child like she had her entire life. She slowly walked back into the en suite and unpacked her make up bag and toiletries once more before using the facilities. As she re entered the bedroom she was even sadder knowing nature had clearly been playing a cruel trick on her making her believe there was a chance she could have been pregnant again but evidently wasn't. In that moment she felt as if the world was just too much, and burst into tears before lying on the bed and crying herself to sleep.

Meanwhile Johnny was downstairs still sat on the couch staring at the drugs in front of him. He knew they would take the edge off his pain and anguish, he knew that, he had been around a long time and knew what they could do for him. He also knew the pain, suffering and issues it would cause. He remembered the painful detox he went through, how his body barely pulled through before making a decision.