Princess (Ziam)

Yin-Yang

This story almost has 100k reads, and I am so thankful for that and for every single amazing reader. It is much appreciated. ❤

Also, I know there may be concerns about this story ending soon, but there is still quite a bit to go and a lot more to figure out. It's not over yet.

Finally, little surprise this chapter that I am nervous about but I hope you like. (Please read parts with caution)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! 🍀

Chapter 36:

I woke up in fright as I felt someone touch my shoulder, shaking it slightly. I looked up to see my mum, staring at me with sad eyes, and I closed mine again, not having the strength to look at her. Everything was still so fresh from yesterday.

"Liam, school starts in twenty minutes." She informed, and I had completely forgotten about school. There was no way I could get ready and make it in time. I also wasn't ready to face the onslaught of new comments I would get due to last night's events. "But I thought you may want to just rest today. What do you think?" She questioned.

I knew what she was doing. She was playing her cards carefully in order to win me over again. But I couldn't forget how she told me she still loved me dad last night. Who could ever love such a monster? Where did that put me in the equation?

I laid there, motionless and silent, hoping she would take the hint that I wanted to stay home, but I also wasn't ready to speak with her. And I knew she realized that as she sighed, patting my arm before I felt her get off of the bed. "I'll call your school. I'm going to work soon, also. I'll be home around six tonight. Please take care of yourself, Liam." She said, but I still made no move to respond.

I heard her sigh again before she said "I love you." The door opened before shutting again behind her, and I let the tears flow free now. Waking up to realize everything that happened was real just hurt a thousand times worse. It was like all of the raw pain came back to consume me. It enveloped me in a sheet of misery that couldn't be removed no matter how hard I tugged and ripped at it.

I shoved my face into a pillow, letting out a scream of rage and despair. Everything hurt so much. I just wanted to go back. I wanted to be young again, six or seven, when my dad still wanted me. When my parents were happily in love, and I would hope to be just like them one day. Back before the man I looked up to decided to tear me down. Back before I was stupid enough to fall for my bully. Back before I was sure I was gay. Back when everything was simple and all I had to worry about was putting my shoes on the right foot. I wanted to be happy.

But I just wasn't.

The constant feeling that I fucked everything up kept gnawing at me; it was deep in the back of my mind. It was a thing I've heard ever since the age of eight years old. That it was my fault. That I deserved the pain. And then I became accustomed to it.

I dug my hands underneath the pillow, attempting to hug it close to me, but I froze as my fingers touched a cotton fabric. My heart ached like never before. It was as if it was being stabbed by a million icicles, freezing the blood in my veins. So cold that it hurt.

I grabbed onto the fabric before pulling it out from underneath the pillow, letting out a choked sob as I held Zayn's jacket in my hand. And I remembered what he said. He gave it to me to keep me warm, but I had no clue it would suffocate me like this.

I felt like I couldn't breathe as I held the jacket, not until I hugged it close and inhaled the scent. That sweet and familiar scent that was Zayn. And I realized that his scent was all around me. From the window sill, to my closet, to my restroom, to my bedsheets, even on my skin. And I felt a small sense of calmness consume me before it hit. All of the sorrow.