Princess (Ziam)

Dedication

Here's a precious update for you guys! And I hope you all really enjoy it.

I will be updating Sin as soon as I can, and it will finally tie together with this story, which both excites and makes me nervous lol

Anyways, Enjoy! (And sorry for the minor time jump!)

Chapter 97:

The past couple of months have been tiring, and they've been full of plenty of struggles between Zayn and I, but we've managed to overcome each and every obstacle thrown at us. We've both had multiple therapy sessions, sometimes without the other person in the room, sometimes with, and sometimes they caused us to break down only to grow stronger.

I've been talking a lot about my father, the abuse, and constant bullying at school. I've told Natalie, which I call her now because it always felt unusual to call her my doctor or therapist, how each one effected me, and she's been so determined to help me through every single situation.

I was slowly gaining confidence, and eventhough I was still afraid to be alone, I didn't constantly need someone beside me to assure me that I mattered, that I was real, that I was okay. I was learning how to cope instead of panic, though I still had to take pills for anxiety every day.

And, yes, I still had panic attacks every now and then-- the worst one was a couple of days ago when my mum brought up the topic of college to Zayn and me. It was true that we had to start thinking about our futures, and that included college, but it all felt like it was moving way too fast. And I wasn't ready to leave everything behind quite yet.

    So, I panicked. And Zayn managed to calm me down after a while. Colette made me some hot tea and ran me a relaxing bath while my mum called and scheduled another appointment between Natalie and me. I felt so weak and vulnerable in that moment. I felt so ashamed that everyone around me had to stop and take time out of their days to take care of me.

      Things haven't been the same in the last two days. The topic of college hasn't come up again because I've been avoiding it like the plague, but I knew that I had to recognize that it was bound to happen sometime. We couldn't all just stay in high school forever.

     I watched from a distance as my mum received several letters from colleges about possible scholarships and campus tours, and I felt both guilty and thankful when she would just take them and hide them away from me. Meanwhile, there was this invisible wall between Zayn and me. We were both being so cautious because we knew that college was closer than ever, and we knew that things would change.

      I was laying down in bed, and it was still very early. My back was to Zayn as he slept, and I was staring blankly at the clock on the nightstand, watching each minute go by so slowly, yet too quickly. Every minute felt like more time wasted, less time with those that I loved. I dreaded the fact that they continuously passed by without a care for anyone who might be hoping for them to stay.

      I watched, feeling numb, as the clock switched from 5:45 to 5:46 in the blink of an eye. And pretty soon, another minute went by. All of this before the sun was even fully in the sky, the steady glow of it against the horizon just peeking through the window. Its rise was slow, as if it was hoping to stop time as well, but it sadly fell victim to it.

     It was inevitable. It was terrible.

     I felt Zayn shift a bit behind me, and I lay quietly, listening to his light breathing. It never failed to make me feel tranquil and deeply upset at the same time. Because I never wanted to stop hearing his breathing. It was my reassurance. It was my second favorite sound-- along with his heartbeat. My first favorite sound being his voice. Both speaking and singing.