Princess (Ziam)

Author's Note

Hey guys!

Wow, it's finally the end. It's over, and I honestly don't know how to feel as I'm writing this author's note. A part of me is incredibly proud of what I have accomplished but another major part of me just wants to cry and have it all back-- all of that time because it was so much fun to experience. Literally, writing the final sentence sent shivers through my body at the realization that it was finished. Completely.

I've been working on this story for nearly two whole years. And that's so insane to me! Two years of my life were completely dedicated to this story and telling it all for you guys to enjoy. I'm amazed at this fact, honestly. But I am also so thankful because of all of the support throughout those two years.

If you started reading from the very beginning, I want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for staying for so long. And if you joined in along the way, I want to thank you for feeling like it was worth it to continue on. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for better support systems.

I've met some incredible people through this story, and I love each and every one of them. (They should know who they are ❤) I also truly do love all of you and hope that you fight back at whatever struggle is in your way. Fight and never give up.

Throughout my time writing this story, I have been through so many things in my own personal life, but your comments and kindness have always helped to get me through it all, even if for a moment. Writing is my therapy. It's something that takes my mind off of my own problems and helps me release that anger and frustration.

I've dealt with a lot of pressure from my parents, feeling completely worthless to them and that I wasn't good enough. I felt, and still do feel, as if nothing I do will be enough for them. Like I'm just a placeholder or a waste of space to them. And writing this and gaining so much support makes me feel like the things I can do matter.

I've also dealt with self-harm for years. I first started in seventh grade, and it was a whole lot of small cuts that began on my wrists but slowly spread out over my body through the years. I've burned, I've cut, I've scratched, I've pulled at my own hair. I've looked at myself in the mirror and have thrown slanders at myself. I've stopped eating before, and I've also tried purging before. And I still have both thoughts every single day when it comes to food. Five years of self-harm, but ten years of pure struggle and self-hate. And I am still fighting. That's what I want to give you all. That's the message I want to send.

Never stop fighting. Never give up. Never shut down. Never let that pain win. Always find an outlet. Always take care of your body. Always do what makes you happy. Always fight. Always. Because one day it will be worth it. Because I'm still here after so many years of it all.

I'm still here even if it hurts to breathe. I'm still here even if it feels pointless to get up every morning. I'm still here even when I feel so low for eating. I'm still here even when the rainclouds never seem to go away. I'm still here even when I feel so alone most days and am desperate for a way out. I'm still here even when the anxiety kicks in or the depression claws from the inside out. I'm still here. And I will stay here.

I want you all to go on. To continue fighting. I want you all to realize your true potential-- that you are worth something no matter who tells you otherwise. To stop looking for flaws in the mirror because nobody's perfect. To wear make-up if it makes you feel good or to go all natural if you prefer. To show some skin if you're comfortable or cover-up if that's how you want to do it. To be yourself, to find your interests, to never doubt yourself. To always find strength and beauty in words. To always look for the last star in the darkness because even a black hole is full of light. You just have to search and find it.

And always, always spread love and kindness and positivity. Find love for yourself, first, and always spread it to others. ❤

Now, after that long, emotional rant, time for a bit of insight on this story.