Princess (Ziam)

Sin Sneak Peek!

So, it's my birthday, but this is my gift to you!!!

Yes, it's finally here-- the sneak peek of Sin (Zayn's POV).

I have decided to show you guys five scenes from the book-- some will be rather recognizable. Keep in mine that a few parts may change in the actual story because that's just what happens with writing. But the five scenes below are a few different details of Zayn's life and his thoughts on certain occasions.

Zayn's story will be told in present time, but it will also be accompanied by flashbacks to get details of his past and how broken down he slowly became over the years-- even at such a young age.

Warning: Some of these scenes do mention Zayn's self-harm, his alcoholism, and his thoughts may be deeply upsetting. There is also implied details of the sexual abuse dealt by his father, so please read with caution.

I really love you all, and I am super excited to share this with you, so here you go!! ⬇

(Scene 1: Piano)

Flashback

      The keys of the piano moved like waves underneath my fingertips, rising and falling at different intervals. I counted along in my head, trying to match my playing with the tempo of the metronome my aunt bought. It was suppose to help me learn to keep pace, but all it proved to do was frustrate me, turning the waves into abrupt crashes on the shore.

   1,2,3. 1,2,3,4. 1,2,3.

    I cringed as I hit an incorrect note, closing my eyes tightly and scolding myself for the careless mistake. I knew I could do better. I had to do better. I've been learning the same song for four days, and I was still stuck on the same part. I should have learned it by now. I should have been able to take my error into account and comprehend how to mend it.

    I let out a deep breath before beginning again, mouthing out the same pattern of numbers I played. The metronome continued to tick back and forth, an irritation that I couldn't get used to. I read the notes off the page, feeling the natural positions of the keys beneath my fingers as I played through as gracefully as I could, but it wasn't as graceful as I wanted it to be.

    My fingers seemed to crash over the keys, the waves coming in messy sloshes. My fingers strived to keep up with my mind, but nothing was fast enough. It would never be fast enough. And it wouldn't be effortless or elegant. It would always be a sloppy mess of notes. Always.

     Again, a mistake.

   I stopped playing immediately, pounding my fist against the keys and feeling the pain shoot up my arm at the impact, striking a flat key within my body. My brain immediately began shooting out words to harass me with. Stupid, careless, useless, untalented, never amounting to anything, a sin. A worthless, ugly sin.

    I squeezed my eyes shut again, balling my hands into fists and pounding on my head, begging the voices to stop and just leave me alone. They seemed to circle around again and again, a never-ending carousel of agony. I tugged at my hair, feeling the tension on my scalp, but it wasn't enough to stop the assault that my own mind plotted against me. I clenched my jaw so hard that it ached, a throbbing pain between the junction of my jawline and my neck, but I had to fight back all of the agony that threatened to leave my mouth.

    I wanted to yell, scream, and cry. I wanted to throw the stupid metronome at the wall as it continuously taunted me. I wanted to be good at something; I had to be worth something. I had to somehow prove the voice that it was wrong, but it seemed impossible to do so.