The Notebook//Joshler

March 31

today, joshua was ripped from my arms.

i sobbed, i screamed, and punched and kicked, trying to get the nurses off me so i could return to my fiancé's arms. but, they were too strong.

"tyler!" he called out as he was dragged out of the hospital. "i love you, ty! i'll see you soon, ok? just think of that, baby! that should keep you going!"

i sank to the ground, sobbing hysterically. i continued saying josh's name over and over and over again, just wanting to be held.

all the nurses eventually left me just lying there for hours.

except, one came up.

"hey," she said gently, sitting on the ground next to me. "hey, it's ok," she said, gently lifting my chin.

"n-no i-it isn't," i cried. "j-joshie's g-gone a-and i have nothing a-and i just want m-my joshie back."

"come on," she said, helping me stand up. "let's get you back to your room, get you comfy, then we can talk more. how does that sound?"

i sniffled and nodded.

she helped me to my room, and i'm assuming someone told her about me given she knew my name. "ok, tyler," she said softly after getting me into my bed. "tell me about yourself."

"i-i'm nineteen a-and i-i'm engaged t-to the most p-perfect guy o-on earth b-but whenever he's n-not around blurry comes a-and says he's going t-to hurt josh b-but if i j-just kill myself t-then he'll leave josh alone," i cried. "a-and i've never had a family t-that loves me b-but josh's does a-and i feel welcomed when i'm with them a-and they treat me like i'm a dun a-and i just love them all so much. i-i can't do this w-without joshie here."

"shhh," she said quietly, gently running her hand up and down my arm to calm me. "i'll find a way for you to get to communicate with josh more often, ok?" she said.

"t-thank you," i said, leaning forward to hug her but i quickly pulled back. "s-sorry. h-habit with josh."

she shook her head and smiled. "no, it's ok. here," she said, hugging me tightly. "i'm jenna. i'm your primary nurse. i'm engaged too."

"o-oh," i said. "n-nice to meet you. w-what's your fiancé like?"

"he's tall with dark brown hair and beautiful eyes," she smiled. "his name is dallon. what does josh look like?"

"h-he's kind of tall, slim but muscular. he has a tattoo sleeve on his right arm of a tree and a beautiful sky. h-he also has ridiculous yellow hair b-but he looks so amazing in it," i said dreamily. i then remembered the pictures he had packed in my bag. i pulled them out and showed her one.

"t-that's him a-and me," i said, blushing as i remembered how softly we made love that very night.

"awww!" jenna exclaimed. "you two are so cute!!!!"

i blushed and couldn't help but smile.

"this is dallon," she said, pulling a picture out of her pocket.

"y-you guys even LOOK like a perfect match," i said.

she smiled and shrugged, putting the photo away after looking at it for a moment. "so, what's your favorite thing you and josh do together?" she asked. she seemed genuinely interested in what i had to say, too.

i like jenna. she's very kind and caring.

"o-oh, gosh," i said, giggling and blushing. "you know... the whole... naked in bed thing."

"sex?" she giggled.

"y-yeah," i laughed. "i-it's the thing that we both held off on until we got engaged s-so it means a lot a-and we typically end up crying afterward because we're just so overwhelmed in love and i just... i don't know. that was probably too much information. i-i'm sorry."

"that's so sweet!" she exclaimed. "were you each other's first times?"

"w-we were each other's first kisses," i giggled. "and first date. and first boyfriend. and first hand-hold. and first time."

she smiled widely. "you two are so perfect for each other," she said. "and because of that, i'm going to do everything possible to make sure you're healthy as quick as possible, ok?"

"o-ok," i said nervously.

"you're going to need to show up for all of your therapy sessions, ok? individual and group."

"g-group therapy?!"

"yes," she sighed. "i know, i know. nobody is a fan of it but it really is helpful and it will get you closer to being back with josh full-time."

i stayed silent.

"and you'll need to eat lunch in the cafeteria at least once a week, but the other six days, you can eat in here if you want."

i didn't say anything.

"and you'll need to listen to everything else that's asked of you, ok?"

"o-ok," i said quietly.

"great," she smiled. "now, get some rest. i wanna hear more about josh in the morning."

i smiled ever so slightly and nodded. "g-goodnight, jenna."

"goodnight, tyler," she smiled, turning off the lights.

it's so weird not being wrapped in josh's arms, but i'm just pretending i'm at home while josh is at his.

but that will only work for so long.

-tyler