The Notebook//Joshler

May 10

i told momma about therapy, and she said she was very proud of me.

josh and the rest of his family aren't really speaking, i guess. they're all very frustrated with him.

but i asked momma if she could maybe talk to josh and remind him that he's still loved.

she sighed but agreed. because she still loved josh, just not so much his actions.

i could tell josh was sad today, for he hadn't been talking to his family in a while.

so i went out and got him cupcakes from the place he would take me to on dates.

it was a four mile walk there and a four mile walk back, but it was ok. i survived.

"aw, tyler..." he said as i handed him the box. they were red velvet and had little hearts on top. "you're too sweet. thank you."

i nodded and turned around, beginning to walk out of his room.

"y-you don't wanna stay?" he asked.

"i-i didn't think that you'd want me to..."

"i'd love you to, ty," he said. "b-but only if you'd like."

i nodded and crawled onto the bed, sitting at the end.

"would you like one?" he asked.

"n-no thank you. t-they're all for you."

"ty i cant eat six whole cupcakes by myself."

"o-oh," i said. "s-sorry. i-i can see i-if i can take a few back..."

"no no no, baby," he quickly said. "i didn't mean it like that. here. i'll just put these in the kitchen and whenever you want one, take one, ok?"

i nodded, looking down at my lap and twisting the ring on my finger.

"again, thank you. that was really thoughtful of you."

i opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. i instead just started to leave.

"love you, ty," josh said. "y-you don't have to say it back. i-i understand."

"i-i love you too," i said quietly before exiting the room.

and it's true. i do love him.

just...

i don't know.

i don't know anymore.

-tyler