The Notebook//Joshler

May 13

today, josh and i walked around the shops downtown.

while in line at one of the check outs, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, causing me to jump and gasp.

i've never done that before.

he quickly pulled back, mumbled a quiet "s-sorry" and scurried to go pretend like he was looking at something else.

i sighed, mentally beating myself up for reacting like that. just, i'm even more sensitive than usual after the whole cheating thing.

touching is scary. i'm scared to get too close.

i bought everything and found him hiding in the corner, his back towards me. i walked up to him and gently placed a hand on his back, kissing his cheek and leading him out.

he held my hand as we walked, rubbing circles into the back of it with his thumb.

we had a nice dinner then went out to the little pond that's out by the shops. we sat on the bench as just kind of looked off.

i rested my head on his shoulder and he squeezed my hand.

"i love you," he said.

"i love you too," i replied, kissing his hand.

we headed home a little while later, got ready for bed in separate rooms, then crawled into his bed.

we cuddled some.

not nearly as much as usual.

not even close.

and i hate it.

-tyler