The Notebook//Joshler

May 17

tonight, josh asked me if i wanted to star gaze with him.

for some reason, i didn't feel compelled to be all touchy with joshua today. but, i said yes anyway.

we went out onto the roof and laid down. he put his arm around me and i flinched.

he quickly pulled away. "i-i'm sorry."

"i-it's ok," i said.

"y-you can go inside i-if you want," he said.

i shook my head and stayed. we sat about a foot apart. it was odd.

"c-can i do anything for you?" he asked.

i shook my head.

"a-are you sure?"

i nodded.

"i-i can make tea o-or cookies o-or draw you a bath or something," he offered.

i shook my head. "i-it's ok, thank you."

but i think he wanted to do something for me. he's really starting to feel like he isn't contributing.

"a-actually, i-i'd love a warm bath," i said.

he quickly nodded and raced inside.

he came back a few minutes later and told me it was ready.

i walked into the bathroom and saw the tub almost overflowing with water and could smell the cherry blossom bubble bath i've always loved.

"thank you," i said.

"i-i'm gonna go make you some tea," he said.

and before i could stop him, he was gone.

i decided to wait until he got back to get in the tub, not wanting him to see me without clothes on.

even though we're engaged.

and that made me think.

should we really, really be engaged?

-tyler