A Whole Bunch of Loki's

This Fool, This Liar - Cheater Loki - Part Three

The moment his eyes connected with yours he knew that his world was about to finally come crashing down, Loki knew that this would happen eventually as you weren't stupid, but he'd vainly hoped to avoid this from ever happening.

There was a tiny voice in his brain that was telling him to act as if nothing was wrong and that he was oblivious to the situation that was about to happen, it was saying that he needed to continue lying to keep you.

His more rational side, however, managed to win over that tiny voice of denial and instead he stayed silent as you stared at him, the hurt and betrayal that was clearly displayed unabashed in your eyes made him look away, his gut twisting once again in a way that seemed more painful than the previous bouts of guilt.

"Loki," you greeted weakly, not wanting to be the first to speak but having to fill the silence.

He didn't respond, he merely stared at you with an expression that was so lost and hopeless on this usually confident man.

The silence hung thick in the air as you both watched each other with caution.

Despite yourself, you could feel your throat tightening at the sight of him as your emotions swelled and mixed into one huge confused mess.

This man that you had helped, allowed into your home and given everything you could offer to had been betraying you, for how long and with who, if only one person, only he truly knew.

And you hadn't realised until recently, which made you feel both foolish and angry at feeling as if you were somehow an idiot for something he was doing.

"Why?" You finally whispered, having to fight to keep your voice from cracking.

"So you know," he finally said, his voice distant but still stronger than your own.

"Unfortunately."

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't," you sigh, closing your eyes in exasperation.

"I am, it was stupid and I regret that I've done this to you, to us, I am so remorseful."

"I said please don't, if you were that remorseful then you wouldn't have continued doing it or have at least been open with me about what was going on."

"I just..." He trailed off, not being entirely sure where his sentence was going he let the thick silence return.

"No, Loki," you sigh, looking at him in both sadness and pity, "I can't hear anymore, you can't smooth talk your way out of it, there's only so many times you can use the same excuses."

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he frowned, unable to meet your eyes, "I do love you."

"I know," you reply calmly, "but you love her too."

"That's just it, I don't."

"And that honestly only makes this worse."

"I know, but I also know that I can't make it any better, I've once again ruined things for myself and as always," he drifted off for a second, staring towards the wall above your head with hazy eyes as he slowly shook his head, "I can't explain why I do it."

"We had something good, Loki," you said so softly that it was almost a whisper.

"I know," he repeated, his eyes finally meeting yours again and seeing the pain he was causing you, "but it seems that I can never allow myself to have something worth keeping, it's like I'm built for self destruction."

"You'd be the only one who could help with that, despite any attempts on my end."

"I know that too, but it's as if I sometimes act with no rhyme or reason, perhaps Thor was right."

"Right about what?"

"That Sakaar is the perfect place for me as it runs without rule in chaos."

"Self awareness doesn't make this okay, Loki."

He nodded, his tongue moving slowly across his bottom lip as his eyes flickered around the room.

"I'm aware, but I think I'm too deep in to change myself now."

"And despite strange and conflicting opinions on myself, I still have too much self respect to allow someone to walk over me as you have been."

"I didn't mean for it to seem that way, I truly do love you."

"So you've said," you sigh, running a hand over your tired eyes, "but I can't let you think that 'I love you' and 'sorry' is enough to sort this out."

You both go back to staring at each other in a terrible still quiet, his usually sharp eyes dulled in a way that tore at you.

"Is this an official end?"

You chew on your lip to stop it from quivering as your eyebrows furrowed and your heart clenched tightly at what you knew needed to be done.

"Yes, Loki, we're done."

"Then I shall leave and hope that we can at least be cordial once everything has passed over."

"Perhaps so, we can only wait and see."

Tears started to blur your vision and everything turned bleary and watery as Loki turned away and made his way back to the front door of your once shared home, his head hung like a defeated man.

Before he was out of sight fully, you called out to him that final burning question.

"Was she worth it?"

"No," he shook his head whilst pulling the door open and letting the cold morning air into the hall, "not in the slightest."