A Whole Bunch of Loki's

Carry On

You stared out at the horizon from your spot on the hill, watching as lights flickered on whilst others turned off as others began or ended their day.

Your arms were wrapped around knees that were pulled to your chest, your fingers digging in to the fabric of your

Loki sat beside you, his eyes seemed more transfixed on the grass than the sun beginning to rise in the distance.

"Does it hurt?" You asked, breaking the unbearable silence between you both.

"Does what hurt?"

"When you leave, does it hurt?"

A sombre look flashes through Loki's eyes, though his mouth stays pressed into a thin line.

It was always something you admired about the man, even if his face gave nothing away his eyes were some of the most expressive you had ever seen.

"No, I don't feel a thing."

You nodded slowly, "Good."

Loki finally looked at you, knowing where this was leading.

The same place it did every time he had to leave you sitting here alone on this hill in your own grief.

Your chest heaved and your eyes stung as the usual tears began to build, you knew what you were doing wasn't good for you or your mental health and yet you couldn't help yourself.

Family and friends had begun to grow concerned, believing that you were using a mirage of the man you loved to cope with your grief as opposed to finding a way to push forward and move on.

The build up of emotions eventually became to much, after months of holding in the hate, anger, denial of events and the biggest truth about his visits you finally found yourself blurting it out;

"It hurts me that I can never be with you like we used to be, still being able to see you is a blessing but sometimes I wonder if it just makes things worse."

Loki frowned and reached his hand out, wanting to run his fingers through your hair as he once had done.

"But I need to see you."

From the corner of your tear blurred eyed you could see that he was fading once against as the sun rose higher, soon he'd be nothing but a barely there visage before disappearing once again.

"Perhaps you should stop coming here," he murmured, so quietly that you weren't sure if he had indeed said anything. "Maybe I should stop visiting you."

"I can't do that, don't you dare do that to me"

"You have to accept it one day."

"One day, but not today."

You both sat in silence, watching as the sun continued to rise and thus bring along with it the end of that nights visit.

"It hurts," you admitted, a small hiccup in your sentence, "it hurts that I never got to say goodbye."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Please don't, just promise me you'll come back again."

"Of course," he nodded, attempting to smile but failing miserably, "for as long as you need me to."

The sun begun to shine across the grass by your feet and gradually cast a shadow behind you, Loki looked towards the horizon with a saddened frown and turned his head away as if not seeing the sun would deny its existence and lead to him not having to go.

You stared as he finally faded into nothingness once again, much like every other night he would visit you, for a brief moment there was nothing to hint that he had ever been there aside from a faint green mist.

Sat in his place once again was the gravestone that you had put up for him.

It had taken up most of your month's wages, but you needed it more than you cared to admit in your steps of grief and no one had managed to talk you out of buying it.

A sob painfully wretched itself from your throat and you once again found yourself leaning against the cold stone, your arms wrapped around the only thing still linking you both together, much like you had many other early mornings.

Much like you would continue to do.