Lost Song | male reader insert

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I woke up in Kaede's bed. Beside her.

She was still asleep and I just stared at her back.

"No," I muttered, "no... no no no no! No!"

She woke up to my mutters and looked around confused. That look of confusion was all I needed.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, I couldn't stop my tears from falling as I repeated it over and over. I couldn't express how sorry I was.

"I'm so so so sorry, Kaede," I sniffled, man, I look pathetic, I couldn't even meet her eyes, "this is all my fault. I'm so sorry... I... Kaede, please forgive me. There's nothing I can say that can say to prove how sorry I am."

"It's not your fault," Kaede said.

"Yes it is," I exclaimed, "I should've just not drank or at least stopped before I got too crazy but--"

"I don't blame you," she said, resting her hand on my shoulder, "it was both of our faults. Don't blame yourself."

"I'm sorry," I croaked. I feel terrible. Horrible. It's not... I was... 

I climbed off the bed and quickly retrieved my clothes before pulling them on and turning back to her.

"Please don't blame yourself," she begged, I didn't meet her eyes, I couldn't... how could I let myself... and under the influence of alcohol too! Ah! Y/n you dumbass! 

"I'm going to go... home..." I told her, looking at the floor, "but if you notice anything wrong call me immediately and then I'll come over, ok? I... think it might be best if I level out my head for a bit but don't hesitate to call me if something is wrong. Please promise me you will."

"Ok," she replied, "but just don't blame yourself."

"I can't do that, sorry," I turned and walked out of the room and out the apartment. As soon as I got into my car, anger took over, I hit the top of my wheel and let out a shout in frustration. 

"I'm such an idiot!" I shouted, "I shouldn't have drank! Ugh-- y/n listen to the doctors, you dumb dumb dumbass!"

My phone started ringing and I pulled it out the compartment and answered it.

"Sir?"

Katsuro.

"Yes. What is it, Katsuro?"

I rubbed my forehead. Headache...

"You're late for the meeting, are you ok?"

Meeting? Oh yeah. The one with the sponsors for that idol group that I've somehow been stuck with.

"Sorry. I am feeling sick. Can you-- ugh--"

My heart felt like it was ripping itself out my chest.

"Katsuro... I need help..."

"Is it your health? Sir, tell me where you are!"

I have to get away from her house first.

"The park on sixth street. Hurry."

"I'll be there, sir, I just need to cancel the meeting quickly."

I hung up and gripped my shirt at my heart as I began driving.

Vision is getting blurry... this is dangerous but the park is just around the corner.

Just before I lost control over myself, I quickly pulled myself into a parking spot and slumped forward over the wheel. My breathing was all over the place.

Did I take my medication yesterday?

I don't remember...

A knock came from my window, I looked over as my vision came into focus.

"Katsuro," I muttered as the door opened.

"Sir!" he shouted, "sir! Did you not take your medication?"

"I don't... remember..." I frowned. He grabbed my hand and placed two pills into my palm.

"You're shaking," he muttered, "open your mouth, sir."

Great. Being fed like a child.

I complied and he forced the pills down my throat. 

A few coughs followed that and then everything seemed to push itself back to normal, granted I was still quite out of breath.

"Sir, are you feeling ok?" Katsuro asked me, his worried expression caught my attention. It's just like his first day of working as my assistant when I collapsed from this because I'd been pulling all nighters.

"Yes," I nodded, "I'm sorry to have worried you."

"Sir, if you don't mind my asking, what triggered this?" he asked me, "was it your lack of medication or did you put too much strain on your body las-- sir! You reek of alcohol! You're not allowed to drink such substances! You know that's an immeasurable risk on your body! Out of the car, get into the passenger side, I'm taking you to Dr Dr for a check up."

No arguing with him now.

I pushed myself out the car and to the other side.

What triggered this was probably the alcohol, the sex and the intense emotions I'm feeling right now.

Or maybe this is just my punishment for breaking my promise to her and also my promise to myself...

But I can't help but to hope... if she gets pregnant could I finally..? No. That's too selfish. If she becomes pregnant it's up to her with what she does with the child, after all, it is her body. Not mine.

But in event of that slim chance, am I allowed to hold onto it just a little? The only hope I have left?