Ghost of You - Anakin Skywalker x Reader (BOOK 1)

Chapter 36

After an incredibly dangerous visit to Coruscant, Duchess Satine is now finally heading back to her home plane of Mandalore. It has been a challenging time for all of us, particularly Obi Wan. I can't even begin to imagine how painful it was for him to hear Satine's declaration of love, knowing they can never be together.

"Do you think Obi Wan is going to be okay?" I ask Anakin.

I spent the night in his quarters again last night. It's becoming such a frequent occurrence that I very rarely actually sleep in my own bed. It's a wonder that no one has noticed this yet.

"It may take a little while but he'll be okay." Anakin assures me. "It's Obi Wan, he doesn't let his emotions control him."

I move my body closer to Anakin and nuzzle my head on his chest. He gently runs his hand through my hair.

"I'm worried about him, Anakin. You heard what he said. He would have left the Jedi Order for Satine." I say, sadness lining my voice.

"Well, he loved her. He wanted a life with her." Anakin states.

We lay in comfortable silence for a moment. I keep my head on his chest, listening to the soothing sound that is his heartbeat. It's moments like these that I wish would last forever. No responsibilities, no drama. no-

"Let's leave the order." Anakin says abruptly.

I quickly sit up and back away from Anakin slightly. The very sound of these words shocks me to the core. How could he even suggest such a thing?

"Come again?" I ask.

"I'm serious, (Y/N)." He sighs. "Think about it. We would be free to love each other openly. We could go out whenever we wanted to and I could hold your hand as we visit the most beautiful sights in the galaxy."

Being able to love Anakin freely is my greatest desire. Not only would we get to live as a normal couple, we also would not have to constantly fear for each other's life during this time of war. That being said, I don't think I could live with myself knowing we chose our own happiness over maintaining peace in the galaxy. 

"Anakin, we have a duty as Jedi. You're the Chosen One. We can't just leave the Order." I say, each word paining me more and more to say.

"Yes, we can. At the end of the Clone War, the galaxy will be at peace. We won't be needed to protect the lives of innocents day after day." He explains. "I just want to be with you openly. I don't care about the Order." 

I don't say anything. I can't. Possibilities of what our lives away from the Order look like flood my mind. It would be perfect, but it still wouldn't be right.

"We could start a family of our own, (Y/N)." Anakin adds.

His face is lit up by the very thought of this. A family. I could be a mother. We could raise our children in Naboo, the planet I love most in the galaxy. I would want a son and a daughter. Our daughter would be a tough, sweet talker just like her father, and our son would be a gentle and kind mama's boy. They would have us both wrapped around their little fingers and we would love them unconditionally.

But starting our own family would mean we have to sacrifice the family we have here.

"What of Ahsoka and Cal? We couldn't just leave them, Anakin. They need us." I refute.

The previous light in his eyes at the possibility of our future vanishes. Instead, he's left with the familiar, clouded look that comes with living in a time of war.

"You're right." He sighs in defeat.

My heart sinks at the sound of his devastated voice. I want us to have a family but it simply isn't an attainable goal. The complexity of this situation begins to hit me.