Chris Evans Imagines

Because I Love You

Requested: Yes, but severely changed.

Warnings: Mentions and talks about self harm (Reader) no actual descriptions of self harming though

Author's Note: Always remember your heart is beating for a reason. You have a purpose. Don't give up.💕

***Y/N closed the door behind her and made her way to the living room. She dropped her bag on the chair as she saw Chris sitting on the sofa with a suitcase next to him. She tried to remember if she had forgotten Chris was leaving for work again, but nothing popped up. Her heart dropped when she realized he was leaving. Leaving her.

"Chris," she whispered, too scared how all of this would unfold.

"Y/N, we need to talk," he patted the seat next to him on the sofa. She slowly crossed the living room and sat on the other end of the sofa, too scared to get near him. He sighed and scooted closer to her, taking her hands in his. "I love you-"

"You're breaking up with me?"

"What? No," he immediately confirmed. "Honey, I love you. So much. I would never leave you. I'm scared you'll leave me."

Her eyebrows furrowed together. "Why would you think that?"

He fiddled with the sleeves on her long sleeves shirt. "Umm," he fought back the tears trying to make their presence, "the other morning, I noticed something I hadn't before. You didn't close the bathroom door all the way and I saw you getting dressed. We live in Boston, so I don't think of anything about you always wearing long sleeves, but now I understand why."

She pulled her hands away from his. She looked away and down at the sleeves that hid all her scars. She hoped he would never have to see them. They hadn't slept together and she was very grateful he wasn't pressuring her at all. He was perfectly fine having sleepovers after staying up all night talking or watching movies together. She knew at some point she would have to tell him the truth, break down one of her walls and let him in completely. But this wasn't how she wanted him to find out.

"Chris," she whispered.

"I'm not stupid," he said.

"I never said you were," she picked on her sleeves, still unable to look at him.

"After you left to work, I found a broken cheap razor in the trash with a missing blade," he explained. He gently placed his hand on her knee. "Where is it?"

Her eyes welled up with tears. A part of her hate that he found the broken razor, but the other bigger part was grateful he knew. She didn't have to lie to him or come up with excuses like she had in the past with other people and past relationships.

"I took it with me to work," she took a deep breath, before she slowly exhaled. She looked up at him, her eyes even more filled with tears. "I couldn't do it. I wanted to. So badly," she whispered. "But I couldn't. I thought of you, and how much you deserve someone better. You don't deserve to have this self harm loser," she sniffled. "So, I threw it away," she lifted up her sleeves, showing him there were no fresh cuts.

He pulled her into a hug and held her tight. His arms were securely wrapped around her shaking body as she cried. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "you did the right thing, honey, and I'm so proud of you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered back. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," she looked up with begging eyes, praying he wouldn't leave her like all the others.

"Honey, I'm not going anywhere, but you have to promise me you're not either," he pushed back her hair from her face and gently cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes, enjoying his touch as his thumb brushed across her cheekbone. "Let me help you. Please."

"Chris, I've been doing this for years. I've done everything I can to stop it. It's hard. There's not much help to do," she admitted.

"Please don't get mad at me, but I found a self harm treatment center-"

"Rehab?!"

"No, honey..." his eyes welled up. "I love you. I love your heart of gold. I love every part of you. I don't know why you harm yourself, but I need you to love yourself. Fall in love with everything I love about you. This place, I checked it out, and it's good. Very good. They'll help you in every way possible."

She bit her lip as tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm scared, she whispered.

"I'm scared too, honey," he wiped the tears away, "but I'll be there for you every step of the way. I'll visit you every visiting day. I'll write you letters. I'll set my alarms for our scheduled phone calls. And more importantly, I'll be at the front waiting for you with open arms when you finish your treatment, however long it takes."

"I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you do," he reassured her.

"I love you," she whispered. "I love you even more for helping me," she leaned in and kissed him. Chris kissed her gently, but with so much love.

He pulled back and cupped her cheeks. "Are you ready?"

"No," she sighed. "But I will be," she held his hand.

"Let's get you packed up," he grabbed his suitcase. "I'm lending you my lucky luggage. This one has never failed me while traveling for work and I want you to have it. Think of it as a little reminder of me while you're at the treatment center."

"I don't know what I do without you," she hugged him.

He hugged her back tight and whispered in her ear, "you don't ever have to worry about that."