A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

135. Goodbye, Buddy

This chapter really hurt, I think I projected my sadness at loosing my own pet, Rocket, onto this chapter because I was crying as I wrote it. It's hard to believe my chubby little buddy passed on five months ago, it still hurts, but I know he is in a better place. The title of this chapter is more to symbolize the little nickname I gave Rocket, who was named after Rocket The Raccoon for having lighter circles around his eyes.

Rocket, My Little Buddy, May he run forever in a soft field of grass, or whatever is his idea of Gerbil Paradise.

I stood with Thorin, Thranduil, and Bard on the shores of the lake as the horns played a somber tone, several hastily made row boats holding a single fallen human in each one were drifting out along the lake as the horns played their tune and it fell silent. I glanced down the line of people to see the men with their bows lit an arrow and shoot it into the sky, the arrows raining down onto the boats as they began to crackle with the flames. Silence fell as we watched the boats burn and slowly drift farther out along the lake.

I kept my face perfectly blank as Thorin held my hand. Since my... incident of freezing on the ramparts, I have been unable to go anywhere without someone around me. Be it Thorin, Gandalf, The Company, or even Bard and Thranduil. I was very, very ashamed to see that everyone knew I was lost right now, lost in my own head, lost in the grief for my people and the pain of the knowledge in my part of their demise. Lost in the agony of watching my only friend, the one who kept me from feeling alone, my only family for many years, die before my eyes by an arrow through his little heart. It hurt even more to know I couldn't give him a proper burial because I lost his body sometime in the battle. It hurt to even think his name, and a confusing mixture of emotions from grief to love rose as I thought of how he sacrificed himself for me.

And then... there was that message, the one he let me know just before he died.

....I'm sorry, Mena, this is where I go. All I ask... is that you find my mate, and protect my hatchlings. I love you too, my sister....

I stared at the burning boats floating farther out along the water, a ripping pain racing through my chest. I thought I knew Fairfin better than anyone, and he knew me better than anyone else on this earth... But, I realize now, since joining the dwarves and slowly falling for Thorin... I stopped confiding in Fairfin as much. I stopped depending on the raven so much to raise my spirits, to be there at my side and show me that everything will be okay. When we reached the mountain, it got even worse, in my worry for Thorin, for the people of Dale, for Middle-Earth's future, I almost completely ignored the raven that kept me moving, kept me from giving up in my search, in showing me how to be more of a person living rather than just a living person.

Even then, Fairfin sacrificed himself for me, and so much about the raven's mysterious disappearance between me tricking Smaug and leaving Erebor makes so much more sense now. Fairfin found a raven to love, and I know that, with Fairfin, it is always love. Thinking his name hurt, but I knew I must face this pain. My raven has a mate and hatchlings out there, somewhere around Ravenhill I suspect.

To honor my buddy's memory, I will find them, and I will protect them and love them as they are my family as well.

"We honor the men, the women, the dwarves, and the elves that fell to protect Middle-Earth from a grave threat. While we honor the men and women now as we send their spirits off, we also honor the dwarves and elves who fell but will be laid to rest in their own ceremonies. Let this battle never be forgotten of how dwarf, elf, and man stood together, fought side by side, and, together, we saved Middle-Earth." I heard King Bard of Dale say suddenly as I turned to see him standing in his rough clothing, a torch raised to the sky. The men and women raised their torches as well to the sky as I watched, looking out at the burning boats and feeling sad for the families who were forever torn apart, but how a good cause.