A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

18. Lost Friend and A Promise

We all looked at each other before leaving the cavern, going about our separate ways till Gandalf enacts his plan. Balin and Thorin headed back to the area the dwarves were given, Bilbo left in the opposite direction to explore Rivendell. That left me, alone in the hall.

I looked around before biting my lip, realising there is one elf I have yet to see, one I want to apologise to for being such a difficult person to raise, one I wanted to thank for taking me in, and apologise for leaving with nothing more than a simple goodbye, not even a hug or a thanks for being there for me.

Mearwen.

My heart sank as I slowly walked down the halls, looking around the familiar hall as I grew closer to Maerwen's room. Would she forgive me? Would she even want to speak to me? All I did was be a stubborn kid and then left, like I felt no attachment to her. That is wrong, she is the closest anyone came to being family... I always feared calling her mother, because I feared she too would vanish, like everyone I let get too close.

Maybe it's just the trauma of realising I was abandoned as a child that always made me feel so, but it's not a fact I like to face.

I came to a stop before the familiar door, suddenly noticing the time of night and the lack of noise in the halls. Would she even be awake? I must try though, I need her to know I care. I raised my fist to the door, prepared to knock, my fist held in the air as I summoned the courage.

"She is no longer there, Philomena." I suddenly heard a voice say in sadness and sympathy. I looked at Lord Elrond, to see the sadness on his face, making my heart lurge in pain. Something must have happened to Maerwen, but I secretly hoped that she just moved to Lothlorien. Flashes of gold colored elvish hair and brown eyes full of light ran through my mind, as well as a soothing voice singing to me till I could fall asleep. Images of her holding me in her arms when I was younger, sitting in a chair and telling me bright stories of the past to chase away my nightmares, even losing sleep to make sure I was able to get sleep.

I looked up at Lord Elrond, breathing out as I control my voice, "What do you mean, Lord Elrond?" I asked, hoping for the best.

Lord Elrond stepped forward, sadness in his eyes as he looked down at me and then to the door before speaking, "Maerwen was sad to see you leave, the child whom replaced the ones she lost. She began fading, so we sent her across the sea." He told me.

I looked down, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath and let it out. My caretaker is gone. All of those I ever came close to see as family, are gone. I don't belong here in Rivendell, nor do I belong in the human world. Maerwen was the only one here who made me feel somewhat like i belong in Rivendell, but its was never enough.

Now my caretaker is gone, far from my reach.

I straightened, looking at Lord Elrond with a cool and controlled expression, not letting him see my inner turmoil. Fairfin sensed it though, I could feel his beak preening bit of my hair.

"Thank you for telling me, Lord Elrond." I said politely to Lord Elrond, turning and walking away down the hall.

"You have changed much, Philomena, your hundred year search still goes." Lord Elrond called softly down the hall, making me freeze where I stood, thinking of all I have learned, all that has changed.

I turned my head a bit back in his direction as I thought before speaking.

"Until I find them it will continue." I said, knowing Lord Elrond would hear me, before I turned forward once more and walked down the halls, away from Lord Elrond. Fairfin continued to preen my hair, probably hoping to calm me, and it did, somewhat. I reached up and ran two fingers down his head in thanks, and to show how much a care for Fairfin and what he does to try to make me feel better. Fairfin softly croaked, rubbing against my cheek with his beak, making me smile a touch.