A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

18. Lost Friend and A Promise

We all looked at each other before leaving the cavern, going about our separate ways till Gandalf enacts his plan. Balin and Thorin headed back to the area the dwarves were given, Bilbo left in the opposite direction to explore Rivendell. That left me, alone in the hall.

I looked around before biting my lip, I wish I could see Elladan and Elrohir... but it's clear they aren't here, they would have been a part of the attack on the orcs if they were. Likely out on another adventure to take down orcs, as I know they harbor a lot of anger towards orcs. It's likely that I'll... never see the two I consider like brothers again. Because even with my longer lifespan, they live thousands of years, and a mere hundred is a blink of an eye to them. I ran my thumb along the leather bound hilt of one of the knives given to me by Elladan and Elrohir, sighing sadly in thought of the two I truly missed the most.

But... there is one elf I know is here, one elf I have yet to see, one I want to apologize to for being such a difficult person to raise, one I wanted to thank for taking me in, and apologize for leaving with nothing more than a simple goodbye, not even a hug or a thanks for being there for me.

Maerwen.

My heart sank as I slowly walked down the halls, looking around the familiar hall as I grew closer to Maerwen's room. Would she forgive me? Would she even want to speak to me? All I did was be a stubborn kid and then left, like I felt no attachment to her. That was terribly wrong of me to do but I was stubborn and young, she is the closest anyone came to being family... I always feared calling her mother, because I feared she too would vanish, like everyone I let get too close.... it's one of the large reasons I never did. That and it felt... wrong, like I was betraying my real mother. I realistically knew that wasn't true, but that was how I felt.

Maybe it's just the trauma of realizing I was abandoned or an orphan as a child that always made me feel so, but it's not a fact I like to face.

I came to a stop before the familiar door, suddenly noticing the time of night and the lack of noise in the halls. Would she even be awake? I must try though, I need her to know I care. I raised my fist to the door, prepared to knock, my fist held in the air as I summoned the courage.

"She is no longer there, Philomena." I suddenly heard a voice say in sadness and sympathy. I looked at Lord Elrond, to seeing the sadness on his face, making my heart sink in pain. Something must have happened to Maerwen, but I secretly hoped that she just moved to Lothlorien. Flashes of gold colored elvish hair and brown eyes full of light ran through my mind, as well as a soothing voice singing to me till I could fall asleep. Images of her holding me in her arms when I was younger, sitting in a chair and telling me bright stories of the past to chase away my nightmares, even losing sleep to make sure I was able to get sleep.

I looked up at Lord Elrond, breathing out as I controlled my voice, worried and afraid of what I would hear, "What do you mean, Lord Elrond?" I asked in a calm tone, hoping for the best, fearing for the worst.

Lord Elrond stepped forward, sadness in his eyes as he looked down at me and then to the door before speaking, "Maerwen was sad to see you leave, the child whom replaced the ones she lost. She began fading, so we sent her across the sea." He told me gently.

I looked down, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath and let it out. My caretaker is gone. All of those I ever came close to see as family, are gone. I don't belong here in Rivendell, nor do I belong in the human world. Maerwen was gentle and kind, and very caring even when I was a fiery, stubborn child. She, Elladan, and Elrohir were the only ones who made me feel seen, made me feel heard, made me feel like I have a home here in Rivendell... But those times are long gone now, and all of them are no longer here. Rivendell hasn't been my home for many years now, but now it is no longer my home at all.