A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

57. I Am Fine

I slowly opened my eyes some time later, groaning as my neck protested the position I slept in, leaning up against the wall in my cell, waiting for Bilbo and Fairfin to return. I also hissed as my knuckles protested movement as I moved and stretched. I raised my hands as best I could to the firelight from the torches, seeing the dried and cracked blood that covered my skin as well as the leather coverings I made for my hands.

Carefully, or at least what I could, I cleaned up the dried blood, seeing the slashes and cuts along my knuckles from the uneven cut of the stone cell. Even my foot protested me hitting solid rock in my raging fit earlier.

I sighed, slumping back against the wall, wondering at the time, and if any of the other dwarves were awake. I am surprised I slept at all, honestly, what with my drea-

I sat up quickly, eyes wide.

I didn't dream.

I knew that for a fact, because I would remember the feeling such dreams give me. Yet I have no memory at all of my dream, or of the feelings it invokes. I didn't dream, for the first time it 74 years, I didn't dream.

Why?

I sniffed the air, picking up the very faint scent of pipeweed, wood, leather, and a distinct male scent like spice that I have come to associate with Thorin. I picked up the edge of the cloak Thorin gave me, sniffing it, surprised the cloak even still had Thorin's scent on it. You would think that after the last two or three weeks of sweating into it, the cloak would smell like me. But it doesn't. How odd.

Then I realised I wasn't the only one awake. I listened carefully and my eyes widened as I heard Thorin... humming? Wow, I heard the dwarf sing once, back in Bilbo's hut, but I was still adamant against liking any single one of them then to actually appreciate it. I closed my eyes, listening to Thorin humm out the same tune he and the other dwarves sang so long ago. It feels like ages ago, sitting at Bilbo's table having fun joining a burping contest and proving to the dwarves that I could burp worse than most men.

Months have passed since then, I don't even know how much time has passed to be honest. Crazy, a single year feels stretched out like five years. Then again, for the first time in a hundred years, I came out of my narrow looking of the world, my single minded mission of finding my home. Everything is so murky now. If we escape this dungeon, if we make it to the mountain, and retake Erebor... Well, where will I go next? What will I do? For the first time in a century, I have no clue where my life will lead at this journey's end.

I leaned my head back against the wall once more, studying the flicker of the flames light along the rock and metal, listening to the slowing snores of the dwarves. It's crazy how all this time to think has made me face a truth, one I have avoided, one that honestly confuses and terrifies me in what it means.

I don't want to walk alone anymore.

I mean, I wasn't entirely alone, I had Fairfin at my side, butI had no friends on the road. No one really cared, only those with kind intent's cared and that was only when I was found gravely injured from a wargs claws and teeth. Beyond that, no one cared. At first, the dwarves actions confused me and made me weary, as I am not one to accept help. But now... now I have Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur who treat me like a little sister, even dealing with me during my raging fit at Beorn's. Fili and Kili actually like training with me and enjoying learning new tricks, as well as teasing me for being courted by their uncle. I may not know Nori, Dori, Gloin, Oin, and Ori too well but they still show that they care. Even Dwalin, with his constant grumpy expression and anger, has shown to care.

I am still getting used to so many showing that they want to help me. While i may not be used to it yet... I almost can't imagine walking off into the distance, leaving them behind.