A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

109. Fixing Mistakes

I walked down the pathway's to the entrance to Erebor, knowing exactly where the Company would be. I dug my old clothes out of the room I had been sleeping in, disgusted with the expensive cloth I was wearing. I knew this would be difficult, but I see the error of my actions clearly now and know I need to repay what I have done.

Which means I need to start with my Company, which followed me with such loyalty, even when I was not sane. And I wasn't, I can see that now, the thoughts of how I acted, who I became... were unnerving to me. It was like watching another person take over your life and do things for you. But I knew it was me, I knew it because of the greed I felt for that stupid stone, not the gold, no, that came with the madness. No, I was greedy for the same stone my grandfather held that gave him such power.

I hate myself for it. I always told everyone that I am not my grandfather, and here I go and act exactly like him. The Company trusted me as their leader and I went and lost it over a freaking stone. I sighed as I stepped forward into the entrance hall of Erebor, staring at the Company. I could tell Philomena came though here, I could tell that her reaction affected them greatly. Fili was looking worriedly through the peephole of the ridiculous barricade I ordered to be put in place. Kili was standing tensely, fists clenched and face full of anger. Balin looked worried and sad. Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur looked like they planned to pummel me into the ground and even the others looked torn between anger and worry.

It is surprising to see just how much Philomena has come to be an important member of our Company. I had not realized until now just how much every single one of us came to see her as a friend, or in the Firebeard brothers case, as family. She affected us all by being herself. And I ruined that, in my greed, in my madness, I tore apart this Company.

Yet, though it all, each and every member of the Company stuck by my side... which humbled me, to see the loyalty I had gained in my Company. So I knew I needed to right this, if it meant letting Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur beat me I would let them, I have done so much wrong. I walked forward with no weapons, merely the clothes I wear, and into the light in which my Company can see me.

Instantly Kili looked up, eyes full of anger at me.

"I WILL NOT SIT HERE, INSIDE THESE STINKING HALLS, AND WATCH AS MENA AND BILBO DIE OUT THERE, DEFENDING AND FIGHTING FOR US!!!" Kili shouted, enraged as I continued to walk forward while Kili approached.

"How could you, how could you let her go, knowing she will fight in a hopeless battle until she dies? How could you hurt her like this!" Kili said angrily as I stopped, Kili stopping before me, breathing heavy. The rest of the Company remained silent as I looked at my nephew, once again astonished at how much he has grown from the young dwarfling that put dead bugs in my bed to the dwarf standing before me now.

"I know I hurt her, I know I have done much wrong, which is why I intend to right this." I said quietly, Kili's face falling in shock and hope as I laid a hand on Kili's shoulder, "We are son's of Durin, and no son of Durin backs away from battle." I said as smiled at my nephew, who looked so relieved to see me as myself once more. I just wish I could have do so sooner.

I glanced at the Company all gathered behind Kili and standing, waiting as I patted my nephew's shoulder once more, walking around him to face the company.

"I know I have done much wrong, I know that many of you may no longer trust me as your leader, and I know that many of you wish to beat me up for the wrongs I have done to not only Philomena but Bilbo as well." I said, glancing at the three Firebeard brothers, "I know many of you may never forgive me for what I have done, but I have come to see the wrongs I have inflicted on each and every one of you. So I merely ask this: Are you willing to follow me, one more time?" I said aloud, watching as the Company stood, some glanced in the direction Philomena went before looking at me once more.