A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

98. The Draw of The Gold

Thorin's POV

I glared ahead as I rubbed my thumb along the gold coin in my hand, glaring hatefully at the hill of gold in front of me, the very same hill in which Philomena lied to me. My One stood there and lied to me, and here I thought she was accepting me as the leader of this Company but no, she makes her own decisions that infuriate me. Well, good riddance, Bilbo said he found her leaving the mountain, saying she couldn't take it here anymore. I thought she was stronger and more stubborn, I had assumed she would return to the Treasure Hall and try to convince me to leave MY gold behind.

Not likely, this gold is MINE! I grinned as I stared over piles upon piles of My gold, every single coin is Mine.

Why can she not see that this is all Mine? Why does she try to stop me from receiving what is Mine? She did not even try searching for the Arkenstone! It is my birthright! Why would she deny me my birthright? Then, she lied to my face. She must have known of where the stone was, clearly it was not on her, I would have felt the draw of the stone. It is here, in this mountain, I know it is, I can feel it...

I ran my hand along the gold coin, admiring it's reflection in the light, so alluring, so beautiful. I felt pleased to know this gold coin is Mine, all of this gold, piles upon piles of it, are also Mine. And, once the Arkenstone is found, it too will be Mine!

How can you be pleased with what you have done? Do you not see what you have done to her? Ruby cried, my Ruby cried before my eyes, I have never seen her cry before, she must have been in a great deal of pain! Look at what you have become, Thorin, you drove your One away, your chance at happiness, at a family of your own, is gone due to your actions!

I scowled, enraged. There it is again, that stupid weak voice who would stoop so low as to call my actions wrong. The voice had been driving me insane since the moment I saw My Philomena once more, enraging me as the voice and it's weak emotions spoke up every time the disappointed and saddened look rose in Philomena's eyes. The irritating voice may sound like my own, but it is not me and I hate it all the more for trying to push it's weak emotions upon my own. That weak voice wanted me to give up the gold for Philomena, not likely, this gold is MINE! NO ONE WILL TAKE IT FROM ME!

You are hurting her, she's in pain, your One cried, Thorin! Think of that! Philomena is strong, she HATES weakness shown by her with a fiery passion and she cried in front of you! Does that not matter to you? Why she cried?!

I do not care for why she cried, you weak voice, she lied to me, she kept me from my Birthright. As far as I am concerned, she is no longer my love, nor is she my One. This gold is Mine! The Arkenstone is Mine! If she plans to keep it from me, I will throw her in the dungeons of Erebor and watch her rot there!

She left, you idiot! She left because she couldn't stand it any longer, couldn't stand watching you stand in the fire and burn! What is wrong with you? Why can you not see what you have become? Your One, the love of your life, was forced to leave because of you! The very same woman who never backed down from a challenge accepted defeat and left you! She never accepts defeat! She stood up again a fire breathing dragon, alone!

"SILENCE!" I roared, my voice echoing around the empty Treasure Hall as I glared hatefully, angrily around for that weak voice, wishing it was a real person I could strangle to death to end this irritating game. I thought I had finally lost that voice once Philomena left, but it seems only that much more pathetic with it's emotions of worry, love, and fear. The pathetic voice should leave me be, I have no care for such silly emotions.

You cannot outrun your guilt, Thorin, no matter how far you run. She loved you, you knew it too, though she never admitted it that love shined from her eyes every time she came to speak to you, no matter how cruel you were. You broke her heart, Thorin, and that guilt weighs heavily on you. You lost her, you lost that trust, that love she gave you, and what a wonderful gift it was from the woman who seemed to have a heart of iron. You know she never trusted another as much as she trusted you, and you destroyed that. Ignore me, forget her, whatever, but I will not stop bothering you for the rest of your days until you realize just what you have done.

What I have done? WHAT I HAVE DONE?! ALL I HAVE DONE IS SEEK OUT WHAT IS MINE! WHAT SHE KEPT FROM ME!

She kept nothing from you, she trusted you. She told you her every dark secret, a woman who never once wished to admit a weakness told you the fears that lay heavily on her heart, and this is what you give her in return? No wonder she left, you have lost it, Thorin, your are not the same dwarf she fell in love with.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Head." I growled viciously.

No.

I roared angrily, throwing the coin down hard on the pile of gold, unaware of the two sets of eyes what watch me closely. A white raven covered in charcoal watched with fearful concern and a hobbit sitting on the railing above watched in sadness.

Hmmm... it's a bit hard to imagine what was happening in Thorin's head when he fell to the Gold Sickness but I would like to imagine that loving someone and then hurting them, even while not themselves, would leave an impression. Philomena is helping out all she can for the people of Escaroth, I decided I needed to show a little of how much Philomena had changed on this journey and helping the people selflessly was my idea of how. So, let me know your thoughts. Bye!

EDIT: O.O Wow, I mean, wow, I think I made this chapter a million times better. Yes, I added in new things, rearranged the original layout, and added in even more, but it's that much more captivating now! I feel as though I really missed out on adding so much here, of Philomena beginning to piece together exactly what it is that dwarves feel for their One's, beginning to piece together what a dwarf's love might actually be, even if only in her dreams. I especially like the way I changed this like Thorin has split personality problem between Greedy Thorin and Humble Thorin. I quite like it :D

Enjoy!

Original Word Count: 1,991 New Word Count: 11,683