A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

70. Dreams and Care

Philomena's POV

I breathed out a sigh, lost in the fading memory of Beorn's meadow and sitting cross legged beside Thorin as I spoke of my travels, my back leaning against his side as I animated some of the stories with my hands with his fingers combed through my hair, my head tipping back to smile up at him as he gave a small but pleased smile in return. The dream was awash with golden light and the singing of birds, filling me with happiness at the sweeter times I miss.

Subconsciously I curled my hand, my mind pulling me from the dream in confusion. I am pretty sure I was holding something warm and solid in that hand, something comforting, but now nothing is there...

Slowly, I blinked open my eyes, feeling something entirely too soft and comfortable around me. I felt like I was laying on a fluffy cloud, yet it felt more like I was sinking into it like quicksand. A feeling I knew well from sleeping one too many nights on the cold hard ground or on rocks. My body grew used to being uncomfortable, so now it doesn't know what to do with something comfortable like a bed.

I frowned as my foggy brain cleared even more. I don't remember falling asleep on a bed... I remember falling asleep in Thorin's arms.

Which might be even more embarrassing now that I think of it. What a way to destroy my image, falling asleep in a man's arms like some fainting damsel. In my defense though, I did just use a rather powerful spell to heal Kili, one I wasn't sure would work because I never accomplished it before. But, this time, it did. But healing spells like that don't come without their consequences, so I wasn't surprised to feel like my body is burning at a hotter temperature than I like, my nose feeling clogged and annoyed. Great. Definitely a cold. Oh well, I consider it worth the price, I did save Kili's life.

I blearily looked around the room to see the dwarves talking quietly amongst each other, Bofur and Bombur snoring quietly in the corner, Bilbo bundled up against the wall, shivering, yet seeming to finally get some rest for his cold. Gloin, Ori, Nori, and Dori were all sitting in a circle facing away from each other snoring away.

I looked around the room some more to find Thorin, Dwalin, and Balin deep in conversation, Thorin's signature scowl in place and his arms crossed as he glanced at the door every once in a while in anger and impatience. When I fell asleep he seemed happy... what changed? I looked around some more and found Fili and Kili leaning against a pillar nearby, Kili looking like he is about to fall over and start sleeping at any moment. I grimaced at that, sadly I can't repair everything else the poison can cause, such as exhaustion.

I put my arms under me and lifted myself into a sitting position, my arms and legs feeling wobbly and weak in a way I don't like. A large amount of my curly red hair fell in my face and I was too annoyed and pissed off at my hair to even brush it away, so I left it in my vision. I felt warmer now than I did before I fell asleep, the loaned dress, britches and shirt plus the dress and my cloak have absorbed the warmth in the house and I feel a touch more like myself.

I still pulled my cloak tighter around me as I carefully stood, hiding the wobble in my step I couldn't seem to control. I straightened out the dress I tore the ends off of and shook my head, annoyed with the persistent pounding in my skull. Another side effect I will just learn to deal with.

I looked up from adjusting the sleeves to see Fili and Kili looking at me with interest. I looked away for a moment, annoyed with myself as I glared at the ground. I felt... vulnerable. Vulnerable in a way I never have experienced. I have exposed more of who I am to these dwarves than I have anyone else and...

And that terrifies me. I hate that I am terrified. I knew it was only a matter of time before I slipped up, exposed more of who I am under my temper, under my rage, but I wasn't ready to face that truth. So I ignored it, forgot about it, and just enjoyed what time I could have. I clenched my fists, taking a deep breath.