A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

44. Defensive

"Philomena?" I heard a voice say, a voice that should not sound so familiar to me, one I would recognize in a cacophony of voices. I closed my eyes, still a little embarrassed from earlier, I really hope he doesn't bring it up... if he does then I may have to punch him for real for once. I looked away from Fairfin, who was still biting my thumb, to see Thorin standing in the doorway, looking too handsome for his own good.

I mentally smacked myself twice at that, gritting my teeth but smiling. Thorin looked oddly... relaxed, which is probably why I was unable to ignore how handsome he is again. Also, that intense look in his blue eyes has not left and I don't know what to make of it, beyond that it makes me feel funny, but not in a bad way.

I feel like someone lit a flame in my stomach, so I decided to look just above Thorin's eyes, as I can't handle that look and talk like a sane person. I am honestly beginning to wonder if I am insane, because these strange feelings of fire or burning I get around him make little sense.

"Good Morning, Thorin." I said casually, my hand still raised in front of Fairfin, who was now repeatedly biting on my finger with his beak, but not too hard, as Fairfin didn't want to actually hurt me. I noticed Thorin look at Fairfin, amusement showing in his eyes, the intense look passing and making things easier on me. Yet, that slight quirk up of his lopsided grin? It made me want to stare at him all day.

I mentally punched myself, damn it, am I never going to get this... whatever this is out of my head? How much more of this can I handle? This is stronger than a mere admiring, caring, I like you sort of feel. I didn't know what to make of these emotions, except that I don't like that they are slipping through my grip and they are strong enough to topple my usual, calculated ways of reacting to things.

Which tends to make my actual feelings and reactions come out in what I say or do, something I do not like as it makes me feel... vulnerable, in an odd way.

Thorin chuckled at the sight of Fairfin biting my thumb, looking at me in amusement, his eyes more open and expressive than I think I have yet seen. There is still a guarded, uncertain edge to the look he is giving me, but I get the sense that something had changed in Thorin's thoughts overnight.

"Why do you have your hand in front of Fairfin?" Thorin asked, that lopsided grin still in place. I found myself nearly drawn into staring again, gawking more like because that lopsided grin make him look even more attractive, but I resisted it.

"I am stopping him from eating our food, but he is being grumpy and not listening. Beorn went to get some berries for Fairfin." I said, wincing and glaring at the bird as he bit particularly hard on my thumb's joint, sending a sharp pain up my hand. Fairfin realized what he did and lowered his beak, a sad, apologetic croak escaping him.

I sighed, the raven knew how to use his expressions right in making me forgive him. I reached up with my other hand and ran a finger down Fairfin's head, the bird looking up at me, happy I forgave him.

I looked back at Thorin to see him looking thoughtfully at Fairfin, before his eyes locked with mine once more, some sort of decision made. Thorin walked with purposeful strides into the room, sort of like he walks everywhere, something I have seen other royalty do. Normally it makes me think they are too full of themselves, but with Thorin it more commanded respect then said he believes himself better than others.

I am finding myself observing the small things in Thorin's actions now, as the dwarf is not that expressive and not the most talkative dwarf of the group. I looked at Thorin, controlling my breathing as this chair and me sitting on it put my head exactly at level with Thorin's. Thorin looked at me closely for a second before turning his intense eyes on Fairfin as I dropped my hand curiously. Thorin held out an arm to the raven, who jumped off of my shoulder and onto Thorin's arm, looking up at him. I watched this exchange, confused.