A Ruby's Shine (Thorin Oakenshield X OC)

69. Lowering Guard

Thorin's POV

I watched the woman in my lap with interest. It is very rare to see Philomena without her guard up, without the rage or the tense anger and glares towards others. I have caught a few glimpses under that protective rage shield she holds up over her heart, and I believe I am finally beginning to understand why Philomena is so protective of that side of herself.

It's because she is afraid to care too much for others. I am sure that ties back to her missing parental figures. But, even in those small glimpses, I can see that Philomena holds a lot of care and love for others in her heart, she just tries to deny it. I have seen small hints to that care all throughout the journey, from her dragging Ori down into the tunnel to protect him from the wargs to Philomena risking her health to save Kili's life. I didn't miss the nervous looks she gave to Kili's wound, or the touch of fear hidden well in her eyes. I have come to understand the subtle hints to what she truly feels over months of watching her closely.

She was worried the entire ride on the barge that she wouldn't be able to save Kili, yet her determination could move buildings with how determined she can become with one task. I and a few of the others saw the strain healing Kili was causing on her when she was speaking in Sindarin, her hands and legs shook and her head bowed as she breathed heavily, it's part of why Bofur, me, and Bombur caught her while she was still healing Kili.

I softly ran my thumb along the back of her hand, which had found my free hand in her sleep. I smiled a touch at that, pleased. Yet, at the same time, I didn't quite know what do do about the feeling of bolts of electricity moving from her hand to mine, her face to my neck, and her hair to my hand slowly combing through the pointing mess. Honestly, her hair looks kind of cute like this, she would punch me repeatedly if I ever mention that. The tightly wound curls reached out in random directions with hairs curling off all over the place. A large part of the locks of hair have fallen over her shoulder and across the rest of my chest.

I was touched that Philomena had grown to trust me enough to let her guard down like this. It hasn't escaped my attention, or the attention of others, that she never lets herself fall into a deep sleep, forcing herself to sleep lightly, a sort of tension never leaving her even as she tosses and turns in her sleep. Yet, right here and now, I could feel the slow deep puffs of air tickling my neck as well as the fact that her nose is buried in my hair. Her body was lax with sleep, the only thing keeping her from tipping off and onto the floor is my arm braced against her back.

I continued running my fingers through her hair, slowly pulling free the hundreds of tangles and snares that have accumulated in the fiery red curls. I thought back on what she told us, on her words, piecing together more of her story. So much more makes sense about why she is so secretive of her past, for fear of discovery. Fear of being targeted by orcs because she is different. I can see why she even kept it a secret as long as she did from me.

Her hand twitched over my own, her fingers curling around my palm as a low huff escaped her. I looked out of the edge of my eye and smirked a touch, watching the same furrow between her eyebrows when she glares at me or goes against my authority. Since meeting this spitfire of a woman I have come to realise a lot about how I act towards others. She isn't afraid to give me a piece of her mind, something I didn't know I needed.

Mahal truly did make her my equal, she tempers my, as I have heard her mutter, 'Kingly Ego'. And, I like to believe at least, I have helped her cool her temper. I thought back to the scowling, cut off and altogether angry, glaring female I met at the beginning of this adventure. That woman would have repeatedly attacked me if caught as she is now. Seeing this change in Philomena, her putting her trust in me to protect her while she is vulnerable...