While lying in Paul's arms, Tommy tried to form his thoughts so he could talk to Paul and possibly move forward. "I don't know." he said finally. " As you know I hooked up with Jaime at 17. He's the only person I've ever been with until you." "I don't care who you were with in the past or what you did. " "I know you have a high sex drive so I'm really surprised you haven't walked away by now." "Jaime found his pleasure with others, and yes, I know this, 90% of the time. It just kept me from having to be the one all the time, every night. I know that sounds awful, but it's the way it worked out." "The first time it ever happened I cried for a week. I was 17 and a virgin. Jaime was 18 and definitely not."
Paul was more shocked that Tommy had actually said all that at one time than the fact he was even talking about it. His boyfriend was very closed off about most things. Finally he said, "I really appreciate the fact you're opening up to me. I know it's hard." "Please know I'm here no matter what. I love you and I WILL NOT leave you."
"Paul, I know that, but it still scares me." "I want to make you happy in every way. Having sex with anyone is the scary part. I don't know how to enjoy it unless I'm tipsy or on muscle relaxers. I'm so so sorry that I can't enjoy myself." "I think I'm so afraid of the pain, I just can't relax."
By now Tommy was near tears but tying not to cry. He finally just let them flow. He could feel Paul's hands stroking his hair and rubbing his back trying to calm him down. In his ear, he could hear Paul trying to talk to him soothingly.
Paul was definitely at a loss for words. He just held Tommy as close as possible for the longest time. Finally he just tried to quit forming thoughts and just held his boyfriend.
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Hide Your Heart
FanfictionWhat happens when the person you're in a relationship with completely breaks your heart? Do you forgive them and continue the relationship or move on? Find out what Tommy's decision is.
