Merthur/Merlin one shot

Haunted house

Every time Arthur called Merlin a girl he wanted to blurt out 'but I am one?' yet had never done it. The risk of being made fun of made him hide this. Not just this but also the slight confusion he at times felt. It was after all confusing for him with him knowing that people would not be really accepting about this. Merlin had always felt as if he was a female. A thing that not even his mother knew. He never told anyone about this out of fear to be rejected.

Yet he hated how everyone assumed that he had been a boy and should act like one. Even after he got older it was the same thing over and over. Since then he decided that he had to hide his real feelings. It almost was not possible for him to continue to hide this. Merlin knew that when this continued on, he would start to blurt exactly this out.

His eyes looked around as they were now alone. The knights, Arthur and him were out on a trip to a town nearby to see how they were doing now that magic was accepted. By now even Arthur had found out about him having magic and they had a lot to talk about this as he hid this. In the end, he was understanding his reasoning but it took a while for him to forgive him.

Arthur had made him promise not to hide anything that could bother him yet this was something that he never could tell his king. His thoughts were disrupted when he realized that he went somewhere entirely different and ended up lost. Meaning that he was now alone, but lucky or unlucky how he was, Arthur found him and nagged him about this.

They had now tried to find a way back but soon it started to storm and so they had to rush around until finding something that could hide them from the storm. Lucky for them they found an abandoned house but something was off with this. It was an eerie feeling but he had not told Arthur about this. That was until they stepped inside and him having the feeling as if they would be in danger.

"Arthur, we should leave." He warned as looking around and saw that this place was full of cobwebs and the eerie feeling made his skin crawl.

He feared that this might end up causing them to be in deadly danger. Not the first time, but every time that this happened he feared that he would lose the people that he cared about. Worse was Arthur and he could not see a life without the prat. Even when he went on his nerves at times. 

"Oh come on, don't be such a girl." Arthur joked but this struck something in him.

This was it, made him crack. Maybe it was the stress or maybe it was just in general about this topic that made him decide to say exactly what was on his mind. Merlin could not hide this anymore.

"But what is when I want to be one?" His voice was confused as he blurted this out. Why he was not sure.

He was having enough, but either way, he couldn't help but be fed up with people calling out his gender.

"But aren't you a male? Like don't you have um you know the same thing down there as I have?" Arthur clearly puzzled and he wished he could take this back but knew he could not. Not with how the other was now wanting to know more.

"Yes but I..." He was confused and had no other choice as trying to explain this all but how could he when not even Merlin himself could explain this all.

"What do you mean with yes but?" Arthur was not letting one go that was for sure and the place was really unnerving him even more. Slowly the tremores went through him and he felt terrified.

"Exactly what I said clotpole." He snapped back. With voice an octave higher and shakiness was clearly also heard.

"That is not what I meant and you know it Merlin." His voice held authority and now he knew that he messed up.

He winced as shuffling around fearing what Arthur would do when he was finding out about his confusing thought process of feeling his gender not fitting his body. He felt stuck in a body that wasn't his. Merlin did not enjoy seeing the flat chest, nor did he enjoy having the thing down there. He could not even say it out of his issues. He shudder went through his body as hearing suddenly something break close by.

"Arthur, we should not talk right now about this in here but should leave this place." He muttered and Arthur, being Arthur the stubborn git, folded his arms together and gave him a look that he knew too well. They would not leave until one of the others ended up hurt, which was most of the time: Merlin.

"Okay, fine. I will leave and don't even care when you get hurt." He huffed out and wanted to leave, yet something stopped him. It was as if someone was holding him back and the room felt suddenly too chilly.

"Merlin?" The question made him blink as looking confused at the other.

"Why do you look like you saw a ghost just now?" The male clearly said this to defuse the tension, yet he could not stop the fear from getting worse.

"Alright, we will leave." Arthur clearly saw something that made him agree and even as he tried to leave, his body felt frozen.

"Merlin, why are you silent?"

He wanted to say something but the words were stuck in his throat and he could feel the cold getting worse than before. He felt as if he was freezing and his body felt like ice. He was pretty sure when Arthur would touch him, he might feel his body cooling down to the point that it might be dangerous.

"Fine, I am going to carry you because you really seem not to be able to move." The other huffed out and picked up before he could even argue against this. There was a pause even and he was sure that Arthur could feel the cold that he was feeling right now.

"You are way too cold for my liking."

Merlin wished he could move, so that he could snuggle into the sudden warmth, not even realizing that the male had put the cape around him, until now. His eyes stared blankly at the male not expecting this, yet feeling too exhausted to argue against this.

He did not know when but at some point he had to have fallen asleep and when he was awake he was surprised to be on a bed.

"You know Merlin," Arthur's voice made him realize that the male was right next to him. "You should have been more careful. You got sick and had to find an inn fast or else you might have died."

He blinked at this and flushing at the realization that once more his luck had striked again. Yet he did not say anything yet as he did not want to talk about his confusing thoughts of his gender.

"Now that you're awake, let's talk about what you said in this cursed place."

Merlin knew that he could not argue against this and so he let out a sigh and started to mutter about him not being sure about his gender. Of course, Merlin knew that body wise he was definitely a male, yet he did not feel male.

He did feel female, but made him confused. It was after all not normal for a person to feel this way and he was sure that this would just make people pick up on him or worse he might be locked because of those people thinking he was a nutcase. Either way he decided to be truth full.

The male was silent after his talk and he was feeling nervous. The silence was not something that he liked, yet he waited for Arthur to say something. Anything was better than this even when he might be rejected as a friend.

"Okay."

"That is all you say, okay?" His voice was sure of the hysterics after hearing Arthur say just one word.

"Why would I not say okay. It's your feelings and they are valid, not mine. I can't disagree, after all it's not my body, nor is it anyone else. Judging by your reaction you have hidden this, haven't you?"

He winced as slowly nodding yet avoiding looking at the other. He did not want to end up losing everyone that he cared for.

"Well, there you have it. I get why you hid this and that is it. You decide who you want to talk to and when you want to wear dresses, I am sure Gwen will not mind borrowing some dresses, hell even my sister. Pretty sure they wanted to dress you up for a while." The nonchalant tone of this made him blink but as well relieved.

"Um, when we are on the topic of secrets...kind of felt the need to hide about my feelings for uh..." He trailed off and ducking his head in embarrassment yet shyness.

"Guessing your feelings to me?" It was said with amusement and understanding, causing him to snap his head up, as not expecting the dollop head to be able to figure this one out.

"I might be oblivious but not that much. Knew that there was something going on." The male shrugged and he stared at the other wanting to know what this meant for their friendship now that this was out. He did not want anything to change between the two.

"Right now I cannot tell you how I feel, but will get back to you after I figured that one out, okay?" It was a promise that he knew Arthur would hold and he was sure that the other would come to him, until then he was fine waiting.

"Well, now that you're better, we should head back and make sure that Gwaine did not burn Camelot down in our absence." It was said jokingly and caused her to snort.

"Yup, let's go." With this they headed back to Camelot in hopes that the castle was still standing.