Merthur/Merlin one shot

Grief

Merlin knew that this would happen, but he didn't expect that this would happen so soon. He just managed to stop Arthur from dying. And around two months later his mother died. A sickness struck her and not even with his magic he could heal her. And she died, two weeks later. No tears were shed and he wondered why. Maybe it was shock or maybe it was just that he hadn't really had the time to think of her death. Even three months later he hadn't cried and continued working, but this time as head warlock or sorcerer.

It got busy, and he still couldn't really catch his breath, nor could he really show weakness. He was the head and as the head of this all, he couldn't show any weakness. He continued on smiling as nothing had happened. Arthur asked him many times about his well being and he always told him 'I'm fine'.

Which he wasn't really sure that he really was fine, but that was not something he could just tell the male. Maybe he wasn't fine and maybe he really should cry, but he couldn't. He even was awake at nights and had to use magic to get him to sleep for a little bit.

"Hey, Gaius I am-"

He froze and then rushed over and he felt his gut queazy. Gaius was unconscious, and the breath of the other was shaky and weak. He picked the older male up and started to examine the male and he felt like his world was swaying. Merlin started to feel numb because he knew that the older man wouldn't survive this. After all, between the coughs were blood. It was the same sickness he had seen from his mother.

"Shit not again..."

He swallowed thickly. A shuddered breath escaped and he started to rush to the books and starting to go through them. Merlin rushing over to Gaius again and starting to put a cold cloth on the forehead. As well as using a spell which would make the sickness slow down. As well another spell which would help to ease at least some of the symptoms. It was all he could do and he hated this. He felt right now so helpless. For what is magic good when he couldn't even heal that damn sickness?

---

Merlin hadn't gone out of the room and stayed 24/7 inside and taking care of Gaius. The said male was most of the time not really responsive, and when he was he ended up having to help him with any means. 

People by now had known about this and he couldn't handle the pressure. Arthur tried to get him out. And sometimes had to force him to eat. And in the end, his father figure died. The last person he saw as a family member was dead now. He let out a weary sigh after he called a servant to give a message to Arthur that Gaius has taken his last breath. Then he walked calmly in his room and closing the door.

Arthur of course came and he wasn't opening the door. He wasn't wanting anyone to be here. So after a while, he thought the king had left. He was rolled together in a ball and not moving, as a blanket was over him. When people would walk in the room they probably just could see a mob of raven hair peak out. He couldn't even feel anything. The door was heard opened and he was really feeling like the said male was trying to test his patients as well boundaries. Which right now he had none.

"Hey..."

The word was said in a cautious and in a soft tone. His lip trembled slightly and he was really not wanting to see anyone. There was a shift right next felt and he realized that there was someone sitting on the bed. 

The said male was quiet and he felt suddenly a hand go through his hair. This was not something expected and he started to wonder what Arthur was planning to do. Maybe he would start calling him weak.

"You know I haven't seen you cry at all, even when your mother died. You shouldn't bottle this up. It will just make it worse."

This sounded almost like Arthur went there. Almost as he had done the same thing, and it wasn't even his fault that he hadn't cried. He just had not the time yet for him to think about the death of his mother. And this surprised him, that Arthur paid attention to this.

"You don't know, maybe I cried when I was alone."

He stated softly and Arthur let out a sigh, still continuing with going through his hair.

"Maybe, but Gaius went to me and told me his concern. The said male knew that he would die. He knew that he wouldn't survive this sickness."

A gasp overcame him as he heard Arthur say this. That Gaius knew this was something that made it so much worse for him. He hadn't even had the time to tell him that he saw him as a father figure. 

The regret hit him, and now he realized that he would never see the male anymore. Now he realized that he really lost his last person who he saw as a relative. And with this something started to snap and the first sob wracked through his frame and then another one. He dashed up and tackled the other in a hug. The male let out an oof sound and soon hugged him back. He felt the same hand go through his hair. The only thing that you could hear was the heartwrenching sobs.

---

It was now a week. Merlin had been excused for the rest of the week, and now he went back to work. But he wasn't really wanting. He couldn't. As his mind was way too distracted and he still felt way too sorrowful. Merlin couldn't concentrate and messed up a spell now. Which led to a massive mess.

"Alright, how about you take a break?"

Mordred asked and he let out a sigh but nodded. So that he started to walk away, with head dropped and not looking where he was going. And because of this, he bumped into someone. He would have dropped on the ground wouldn't it have been for the person who had stopped the fall.

"Merlin?"

His head snapped up now and he tried to smile, but he just couldn't. So that Arthur noticed and dragging him towards the chamber of Arthur. He just couldn't get it in him to smile, and it was just that he couldn't move on. As they entered he was pushed softly on the bed. And Arthur pulled him into a hug.

"Sleep."

His eyes widen at this and he was planning to argue, but couldn't. Since his death, he hadn't gotten really much rest. That the other male noticed this. It surprised him but showed again that he was more observed then he thought he was.  He let out a sigh and hugged him slowly back. They stayed a while like this, and at some point, he felt his eyes slowly drop. The calm and steady heartbeat and the scent of him were making him just feel drowsy. In the end, he gave him and started to slowly doze off, in a dreamless sleep.

---

Since this day he knew he had at least Arthur, and when the male took his last breath he was grief-struck again, but he was moving on. Waiting for the day that the person he saw right now as his best friend to arrive. After all, he always would wait for Arthur and this was more than just love, it went beyond love. That was something that Merlin knew and he could just hope that this damn Dragon had said the truth.

In hope that somewhen Arthur would come back...

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