Merthur/Merlin one shot

Dissociation

A|N trigger warning, depression, and everything that has to do with that topic

Many years he had thought that the person that was his other half would appear. From a bad plague to war and more, he still was not back. It was slowly getting worse. His heart could not take it any longer.

The moment Arthur died, was the moment something in him broke. Even as he came back to Camelot everywhere he looked, screamed Arthur. But he never came, the longer this went on the more he felt lost. There was no one anymore that was here for him. Merlin was alone, and worse was that he would never be able to get too close to anyone.

The loneliness was killing him and so he was starting to care less for himself. Why should he when there was no one there that he could talk about everything that he went through. Watching those people die pointlessly broke his heart. Yet worse was in these wars he was forced to join, and god the smell reminded him too much of that day.

The day that he lost everything. His heart even now broke a thousand pieces and it felt as if nothing could repair these pieces back. At times he felt as if he was watching something from afar, like an outer body experience. It was strange but Merlin did not care.

A sigh went out as he walked through the busy streets uncaring about him being bumped in. Not that there were many any longer outside as it was getting rather late. It was by now almost 600 years and he could not handle this any more. Constantly having to make a new identity. Maybe this was why he was right now heading to a place where he could try and end it.

Maybe it would help. With this his step hurried and soon he saw a big bridge. One that might end up, the closer he got the more he knew this was the day that he would do it. As he was in the middle of the ledge he felt this too much.

Merlin wanted everything to be over and the guilt and agony was too much. It was days like these that he was tempted and today it would be the day that he would do it. No one would be able to stop him. So he climbed over the (can't remember the word) and being now there he swallowed.

Should he really do this now? He looked down and his heart fluttered in anxiety. Maybe he should step away again, yet at the same time Merlin could not do this any more. His eyes dulled and he was leaning a bit more forward to jump...

"Sir, please don't." An unfamiliar voice caught him off guard.

As glancing back he saw a male that looked awfully close to Arthur, even as he slowly forgot the others' looks, the blue eyes that reminded him of crystal clear blue water was mirrored in that male, yet they were a bit on the darker side.

"Why should I not?" He could not help but rasp this out, because by this point he did not care.

It was now that he looked closer that he could see that this male had a uniform of a police officer and it was making him purse his lips into a thin line. It was just his look that he would be stopped by an officer.

"I am sure that there is so much more to life for."

His expression blanked at what was told to him and he tilted his head. There was no one left for him, and not even this look alike of Arthur could stop him from doing this. But then the guilt that came when he imagined what this stranger would feel. Ugh, why was it that he could not had to be left alone, but having to have a person that genuinely wanted to help him, which was pointless.

"There is none." He bitterly said and cracked a sad smile.

"I have no one left, and I can't do this anymore." His tone stayed the same bitter yet the sorrow was deeply sounded and the person in front of him looked at him with somewhat understanding, yet also sadness, but Merlin was sure that no one would be understanding him.

"You cannot stop me from doing this, I want it to be over." Merlin said before the male could talk anymore and even when he knew that the person would feel guilty, he was long over to the point of no care anymore. With this he turned around and let himself fall forward.

Merlin did not know what happened afterward, other than that somehow the officer managed to get to him. As he was starting to have this detached feeling, and the fact that he had not died was enough and he decided that it was better to just let himself go entirely. Ignoring everything, from the person that rescued him, to those that were trying to get a reaction out of him, nothing worked and Merlin did not care any longer. They could try of course, but he wanted it to end and now he had to suffer longer.