Merthur/Merlin one shot

Overwhelming Sadness (Merlin's pov)

(Warning about suicidal thoughts, and as well someone who tries. When you feel like this get help. Or I am willing to listen. There is always someone there for you.)

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His heart was painfully aware that Arthur would die. He would die and he failed. Curse, Mordred for doing this. Curse him for hurting Arthur with that cursed sword. Right now he wasn't sure who to curse, the father of Arthur, Uther because he had fueled the hate or the sorcerer who made him hate magic. To make it worse he hadn't told him that he loved Arthur. He regret this deeply now, knowing that the king would die.

"Please don't die...I...can't do this without you....Arthur..."

He promised himself not to cry, but it got more difficult for him to not break down. His heart shattered just more as he held Arthur. To make it worse was how he held his cheeks and looked at him with a silent message to get closer. Which he has done, and when he did he felt his heartbreak just more in pieces.

"I understood...forgive u...and...thank u..."

The last part was said slurred and he could see that he was wanting to say something else, but nothing escaped anymore. With this Arthur took his last breath and he broke down. He couldn't hold the tears in anymore.

Merlin woke up sweating and a scream ended up coming out. Soon it subdued and he cried again. It was 600 years now since he saw everyone. 600 years since he saw Arthur the last time. One by one his friends left him.

The first one who had to go was his father figure, Gaius. He had a peaceful death out of old age. He died in his sleep and it was to expect. His last words still rang in his mind...

"Be...happy...Arthur wouldn't want to...see you like this..."

Of course, he tried to move on but he couldn't. It was just too difficult. The next one was Guinevere. It was an ambush and he was too late. This was breaking his heart just more. He hadn't even time to say goodbye.

In the end, everyone left him and the worst was when his best friend died Gwaine. He protected him from an ambush after he ended up being king. Of course, he didn't want to be king, but the once who were left told him that Guinevere wanted him to be king.

Gwaine was knowing that guilt would be heavy in him. Like a thick and dark cloud. It was almost too much to handle, and again the last words rang in his mind when he thought about the death of his best friend...

"My... best friend, ...don't fret.. it. I... am glad ...that I met... you...try to ...be... as kind as ever...I ...will watch...over you..."

His heart shattered with this and since then he never laughed, never showed happiness. But still showed kindness and soon Camelot didn't exist anymore with the time. Now everything was different and he had built an antique shop and gazing Longley on the lake where Arthur died. He wasn't sure that he could do this anymore.

He just wanted to see him or anyone again. He felt more and more depressed with each day and today he decided to end it. Why should he wait any longer? Merlin had nothing left anymore. His heart longed for Arthur. A choked sob came out again as he rolled himself together. This was too much for him and he wanted this all to end.

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Soon a new morning came and he hadn't slept well. Which was usually like this. Nightmares plagued his mind. A sigh escaped as the rest of the day was slow and painful. Today would be the day he would end it all. There was nothing left and because there was nothing left, was the reason why he decided to end it.

Of course, he could try to make friends but why should he? He would outlive these people as well. Merlin saw no point anymore. After he closed his store he let out a sigh. His eyes gazed once again at the lake and his heartfelt the same longing again. A shuddered breath escaped as he waited a bit longer and just gazing outside. Until the moon was coming out, the stars glittering on the night sky. It was a pretty sight, but not even this could bring joy anymore.

Actually, nothing brought joy anymore. His life lost color since the last person he knew died. His purpose died with Arthur. It was bearable when Gwaine was still there, he at least made him smile sometimes. But he should have known that even he would have died somewhen. Natural or unnatural cause of death. Everyone would die somewhen, but he still was looking the same then that day. He wasn't aging one bit and it was painful.

He started to walk towards the lake, at first, he paused. Maybe he shouldn't do it. Then again he couldn't wait any longer. At least when he would die he would finally see everyone again. He started to step in the lake, one step at a time. This time not pausing.

'I will see you all soon...'

He thought as he continued walking into the lake. Deciding to die was better than having to feel that pain each day. It wasn't even clear that he would see Arthur ever again. His throat closed off as he swallowed and feeling the same pain again. It was too painful and he couldn't bear it anymore. He just couldn't. It was his only option left...

"Merlin."

God, he's even starting to imagining the soothing voice of Arthur. He continued going, by now the water was on his hip and he shuddered slightly feeling the cold water on his legs.

"Oi, Merlin."

Had he lost it now? This couldn't be? He was dead and he wouldn't come back, after all, it was now 600 long and painful years. Something stopped him suddenly or a hand that was on his shoulder. He froze, as he slowly turned his head to see the man he wanted to see the last 600 years.

"Merlin, what the hell are you thinking, doing right now?"

The voice held concern and sternness. Expression was the same. His breath shuddered and he was still thinking that he imagined things. That was why he latched onto Arthur and when he felt that he was solid he started to hiccup and big crocodile tears started to roll down. Arthur was at first tense, but soon he started to hug back.

"Jeez did you miss me that much Merls?"

He hiccups just more and clinging onto him as life depended on it. Which wasn't far fetched as he was planning to kill himself.

"Yes...I-..."

He couldn't get more out as he was crying more now and Arthur was rubbing soothing circles around his back. After a bit, he calmed more down and he let go the same went with Arthur. He blinked as he saw him wear different clothes. Like the clothes from this time of age.

"Let's get outside of this lake. It is not really that warm."

He nodded as Arthur took his hand and starting to lead him outside of the cold water. When they were outside he paused and looking at him in an intent which made him fidgeting and nervous.

"Don't tell me you were trying to do what I think you were going to do."

He said in the same stern yet concern tone and it was not something he expected. His breath shuddered once again as he nodded, but not saying anything.

"Jeez, you should have waited A- what happened? Why are you two both wet down on your legs?"

His head snapped towards the new yet familiar voice of someone he hadn't seen in 580 years ago. He stared at Gwaine feeling like he was right now dreaming. The said male looked around Arthur's age and wore something from this age as well.

"That Clotpole tried to kill himself."

He looked away as he shuffled with his shoes nervously. Merlin wasn't wanting to worry anyone and now he regretted that decision, but he couldn't have bared the pain anymore. It was too much to handle. He felt ashamed now.

"Hold up why would Merlin do this?"

He swallowed thickly as he still hadn't said something. Both of the two male's stare was boring at him and he could tell that they wanted answers. Answers which he couldn't bring himself to tell them.

"I- uh-..."

His shuffled a bit more and as he looked everywhere else.

"Merlin, let's get you inside and then we will talk."

He nodded as he took off towards his house as hearing two pairs of footsteps following after him.

A/N This will be more then one part. I hope you enjoyed it and I got the idea from a fanfic, but I just can't find it anymore. When you know who, please give me the name that I can give the credit to the person. When you liked it please vote so that I know you did like it. *'*