Merthur/Merlin one shot

Transgender

Merlin always felt not like a male. Don't get him wrong he was male per gender, but his mind bugged him. He hated it when people called Merlin a he. Because he felt not like a male. Never was he fitting in with the same gendered group. It was strange to him as he was a male or not?

So, he had not told anyone and just shrugged it off. Because it was not normal. People won't accept it and worst was that Arthur won't understand it. The now king would probably make fun of him. Maybe he will end up getting banned out of Camelot or worst getting killed.

It was getting to him that much that he lost sleep. That much that he got nightmares. Sometimes even night terrors. His bottled-up emotions wanted to get out. Wanting him to scream or break down crying.

It made him hate...no loath his looks. Loath the fact that he was getting called his gender. He loathed it that he couldn't wear a dress. Merlin hated the fact that he couldn't dress up. He hated that he couldn't let his hair grow.

Because males' had to wear short hair. He had to wear shorts and not dressed. Can't be girly and needed to be manly.

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"Look at him messing something up again." It was whispered to one of the servants.

Another gossip and the word him made him grit his teeth and pick up everything he ended up losing and dashing away.

'Why? Why am I feeling like this?' His thoughts questioned himself again.

Why was it that he wasn't liking others call him a he? Can't he be a female? Can't they stop calling him a male? Why was it that he upset and wanting to cry about this?

All this was on his mind as he opened the door a bit too forceful. Arthur blinked owlishly at him and glancing at him, in both concern and confusion.

"Are you alright Merlin?" It was said concerned.

"Of course, pratness." Even a curtsey was given, and his normal fake smile took over again. The door closed soon after this.

"You are crying so you clearly aren't fine." It was said in bafflement.

That seemed to break something in him. The basket fell and he starting to cry now more. "Huh?" Was all that he could say. Even when trying to wipe the tears away he couldn't stop them.

"Merlin?" It was said with caution and even more concern.

This just made him sob out and he couldn't help but break down now entirely. He hadn't even realized that someone pulled him into a chest until he felt a pair of arms wrapped around him. It was making him first flinch and then his hand gripped subconsciously gripping the fabric and head burying himself crotch of the neck.

A hand rubbing soothing circle and another hand going soothingly through his hair. Something wasn't right and he knew this. He knew that he wasn't right. That his thoughts weren't normal. It was after all not normal for someone to be like this. To think like this.

Yet he couldn't stop thinking like this. The tears stopped after a while but as soon as Arthur asked about his wellbeing, he starts to break down again. Arthur picked him up after a while as he still sobbed and clung on him as he sobbed into his chest. He couldn't stop the tears at all.

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It took thirty long minutes for him to be calm enough not to break down again at the simple question. Yet he was still clinging on him and still being in the arms of Arthur. The male had not said anything and even after he stopped crying.