Merthur/Merlin one shot

Dissociation 2

As with the last one the same trigger warning applies. Hope you will enjoy this one as much as the other one.

.

.

.

He was unsure what to do with this. Of course, Merlin knew that this was not going to be easy when deciding to try. It was difficult not to go back to that bubble. A reason why he was sometimes drawing back again. Merlin could not handle this always. Even now he had not talked really. Other than greeting or saying goodbye and goodnight.

"So, Merlin." His attention was brought back from his thoughts and he tilted his head as looking at the drawing that he made.

Arthur was a psychiatrist and he decided that drawing might help him. Yet it was still nearly impossible to go back to his bubble. As he really did not like thinking about his past.

"Hm?"

"I can tell that this probably has to do specifically with the black plague." Arthur pointed at his new drawing and he flinched as swallowing.

How the man knew that was not fully certain to him. Though the plague was the thing that he often had even now nightmares about when he was not having bad dreams about anything else. Sometimes it was even mixed with other things that he had gone through.   

"I can get how you felt, after all, we've known each other long enough." The male softly with understanding said and he pressed his lips together. The guilt was even now there, both about this and the war. Which he had yet not managed to bring himself to draw.

"But you should think about how many you have rescued, which I know you did. You did draw some colors to it, at least that's my interpretation."

He blinked as looking at the drawing he has done and realizing that Arthur was right. He did rescue a lot of people, but the helplessness that he could not rescue everyone was what caused that bad guilt.

"It was not your fault and neither should you feel guilty about this. You tried and that is something that is not easy to try and help with rescuing others that had gotten the plague." Arthur continued and he let out a sigh, knowing that Arthur was right.

But knowing and accepting this were two things different. Even now he had difficulties with this all.

"Okay, that should be all for today." Arthur stopped their usual talks or whatever someone might call them.

"You want some hot choco?" Arthur asked and he shook his head, wanting nothing more than go to bed.

"Okay, then go and rest. I will wake you when it's time for our dinner." With this, he left yet not without hugging the other quickly with a soft thanks.

How could he not, with how the other had always been there. Helped him when he could not function. Arthur was someone that he fell all over again, yet he could not tell this the other and he was fearful to lose him again. A reason why he started to have these nightmares of his death and always walking into the other male's room, slipping into the bed, and curling on his side.

The male never asked, knowing he would not be able to, but the knowing look told him that he guessed what made these nightmares come back. It was fine for both of them, as Arthur knew that he needed him.

This was going on with, him going all two weeks to these talks with him drawing pictures and Arthur trying to find out their meanings and it helped a lot. He might not talk, but it helped him and even though he did not want to at first, he started to show the pictures after a while, and now this was something that they have done.

He was getting slowly better and it showed with him starting to say thanks, goodnight, etc. It might not seem a lot to other people that don't know him, but for Arthur, it was something good. Showing that he was improving and he knew this. Yet at times he could not handle the world around him and went back into his bubble. His bubble protected him from the overwhelming feelings.

.

.

.

"So Merlin." Gwaine started and he blinked owlishly at the man not getting where this would go.

"Have I ever told you how awesome your magic is?" The male suddenly stated and he blinked again not expecting this.

Merlin had not used his magic since staying at the mental institution and even then it was rare. He just could not bring himself to use magic, but not hearing this from Gwaine made him feel a bit less conscious about his magic. As he knew that Gwaine was never would judge him.