Merthur/Merlin one shot

Depression

I am feeling evil today. Suicidal attempt and depression. When you need help seek out professional help or talk to someone. You're not alone. I even am willing to listen. Oh, and the next chapter will be lighter, but I am a bit busy so not sure when the next chapter will be posted. With this out of the way...

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Arthur was dreading to get out of bed sometimes. It had been a month after he came back now, and he just wasn't sure that he had any purpose in life. His thoughts were dark and sometimes he wished he could shut them out. It never got as bad as now. All he wanted sometimes to end it all.

His best friend wasn't liking him as he does anyway. Sometimes he felt he was just staying with him out of pity. Maybe this was why he starting to harm his wrist. It gave him an odd sense of relief. Why he wasn't sure, but it just felt right.

But it was getting harder each day. Each day his thoughts got grimmer and screamed at him just to end it all. He was rolled together in a ball trying to make them stop. But nothing works and he was feeling the need to scream to do anything but nothing. 

"Arthur?" Merlin's voice asked in concern and he couldn't even bother behind his mask. It would take effort and energy. Footsteps approached and a weight on his bed. Then he felt someone go through his hair. "You alright?" It was asked softly and with pure adoration.

"Hm?" He mumbled not even having the energy to talk really.

"Okay, now you're scaring me. What's up?" He could hear Merlin say but he fell asleep soon afterward, too exhausted to stay awake.

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His eyes opened and he slowly sitting up, even when he was exhausted. All he wanted was stay in bed, curl himself in a ball, and cry. But he wasn't. He stayed there and not even wanting to do something. All his mind was right now thinking of killing himself. Maybe that was why he ended up sneaking out.

How he had managed to do that, no idea. But he managed to do this. Which was an accomplishment, in his eyes. He continued to walk until he was at a bridge. He went over, getting closer to the edge, and then he stood there. Unmoved and staring down. His mind screaming at him to jump and he was considering it.

None would be missing him, and he was sure that Merlin just was there out of pity. He was almost jumping, that was until he heard his name being called.

"Arthur, come here." Merlin's voice sounded soft, calming yet soothing.

"No." He turned not around and really wasn't wanting to stay. He just wanted it to end.

"I need you to get here, don't want you to get hurt hun." It was said softly, and he stayed their lips pressed together. Because it sounded that pleadingly. His eyes glanced back, and he avoided it instantly because he couldn't look into his eyes.

Not when they looked so sad, so desperate. "Give me a good reason, why I shouldn't jump?" He asked because he doesn't have anyone left. Other then Merlin but he doubts that he had really seen him as a friend.

"Because I love you." It was softly said, and he turned his head fast, but this was then that he lost his footing and slipping away. He barely managed to grip with one hand the bride ground, but he slipped out of his grasp. The shocked yet panicked expression of Merlin would be engraved forever in his mind.

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His eyes snapped open. Breathe fast, rigid, heartbeat going miles per hour and he just now realized that this had been a dream. He felt just horrible, which was why he starting to cry. His body rolled himself together and he felt even worse than before.

What was going on? Why was he feeling like this? Why was his mind wanted him to harm himself, to kill himself? It was just confusing and tiresome. Someone entered soon and he felt himself in a hug. He hugged the person back and crying into his shoulder.

He now realized that this was Merlin and he is whispering reassuring words into his ears. He couldn't help but feel relieved to be alive right now. It took a while for him to calm down.

"So, what is going?" Merlin asked softly and he avoided his gaze as muttering soon softly...

"Dreamt about slipping off a bridge after trying to do suicide..." He couldn't look into Merlin's eyes nor expression. It was just that, how could he? Not after he had told him that he dreamt about this.

"Di-did you consider doing it?" It was asked softly, and he stayed silent. "I see..." There was a pause and soon he felt himself being pulled away.

"But you do know that I care for you?" It was asked softly, and he felt guilty now because his thoughts were saying something else.

"Arthur, what are you thinking right now?" It was asked softly yet sternly. So that he slowly looked towards the mentioned male.

"I-Well- my thoughts tent to go rather in a bad direction." He avoided his gaze again not having the heart to see Merlin's face.

Now that he thought about it, right now was again morning and he must have slept through the entire day.

"Alright, how about you tell me then?" A reassuring tone was used and even caring. It was making him worse now. Because he felt like he would afterward leave him.