In the Shadow of Azkaban

Volume I: XLII

My vision became blurry from the tears forming and falling from my eyes. The cycle continued as Sebastian brought himself closer to me. I stopped sobbing for just a moment to look at him.

I pounded my hands against his chest, "No! You don't get to taint this moment, too." I dropped my hands from him and hugged my shoulders. Sebastian's brows raised at me. I yelled, "Get away from me! Now!" He stood up and left the cottage. The door slammed behind him.

I weeped into my hands for some time. Professor Fig never mentioned any of this. Why would Sebastian hide this from me for so long? I wiped the rest of my tears on my sweater and took a deep breath in. It shuddered through me.

If I wanted Sebastian to keep his promise, I needed to keep mine. I got up and made my way out of the cottage.

Sebastian was sitting in the front of the house, picking the grass apart in his hands. His fingers tore the pieces up one by one before he saw me staring down at him. He dropped the blades of grass and stood up promptly.

He looked almost awkward for once. "I apologize. I should have told you that before. It was wrong of me to keep it from you," Sebastian's voice was quieter than normal. He didn't hold his arms out like he usually would. They were folded in front of him.

"I just don't understand what changed. Everything was so different before." I thought aloud, and Sebastian listened.

"It's not me, sweetheart. I've held the same affection for you since the beginning. Granted, I overreacted and upset you, but I didn't realize you wouldn't forgive me." He placed his hand behind his neck and smiled bashfully at me.

My lips curled to one side to avoid grinning back. "You're breaking your own rules," I said accusingly.

Sebastian looked at me, his eyes were soft, "You know I have never been one for them, darling." He took his hand under my chin and pulled me toward him. His face hovered right in front of mine. I closed my eyes, but I felt him pull away quickly.

He bit his bottom lip and smiled crookedly at me. He walked backwards slowly before he began heading back to the cottage. He turned to look at me, and I felt a strong sense of déjà vu come over me. It reminded me of when we were in the clock tower together.

I hesitated.

It was only one night. I would stop him if I felt uncomfortable.

I reluctantly followed him into the cottage.

He was waiting for me, leaning against the doorframe. I hurriedly walked underneath him; I was surprised he didn't try to sneak a kiss or at least stop me.

He chuckled to himself as he made his way over to the small kitchen. He was rummaging through the cabinets and pulling out an array of vegetables and fruit. He grabbed the flour, and he even managed to find some eggs. I watched him wash his hands before he began prepping ingredients.

"What are you doing?" I looked at him, my eyebrows pushing together. I didn't understand his motive.

"I promise there's no catch," he put his hands up to prove his innocence, and then he went back to cutting onions, "I just wanted to make you dinner. That's it." He seemed genuine, but I could never be sure.

He was rolling the flour and eggs together to make pasta. He cut it precisely into thin strips. I watched him fiddle around the kitchen. He boiled the water and prepped more vegetables while the pasta simmered. Once the timer he set went off, he plated the food.

Sebastian turned around and presented me a bowl of homemade pasta. There was some asparagus and tiny chili peppers in it.

He didn't even use any spells. He handmade this, specifically for me. I was lying if I said I hadn't been impressed, but this was so unnecessary.

"Bon appetit," He said in a surprisingly good French accent, smiling at me. He gestured for me to take a bite. He drummed his fingers excitedly on the counter while he watched.

He was eager to hear my opinion. "Do you like it?" His eyes were intensely bright today.

I eyed him carefully before taking a bite. It was delicious. It had to have been a family recipe, but I did not want to bring up Anne or Solomon. So, I just nodded.

As soon as my approval was accepted, he turned around and started mashing chocolate with a mortar and pestle. He simmered it in a pot and rummaged through the fridge. He pulled out strawberries and began dipping them in the hot chocolate.

Asparagus, peppers, chocolate, strawberries...

I should have known. Aphrodisiacs. I rolled my eyes and pushed the bowl away. I told him no spells or potions. It was my mistake that I didn't include recipes to tempt me.

Sebastian turned around at the scraping of the plate on the counter.

"I think I'm beginning to feel nauseous," I said quietly, looking down at my hands twisting together.

"Oh. That's a shame." He dipped the last strawberry and let them rest on the counter.

"What would you like me to do?" His face twisted slightly. I assumed it was at the thought of me in pain. He said carefully, "I could rub your stomach or run my fingers through your hair to put you at ease." He seemed anxious to help.

"Just sit with me," I settled. We walked over to the sitting area.

Before taking a seat on the couch, I aimed my wand at the fireplace. "Incendio," I whispered. I kicked my shoes off and curled up next to Sebastian.

He turned toward me and placed his hand on my cheek. He rubbed the scar gently. Sebastian's eyes were gleaming against the fire. A small tear escaped him; he wiped it away quickly. His hand replaced itself onto my scar, and his other hand rested behind my neck.

Sebastian murmured, "Tell me to stop."

I wanted to. But this was the last time I would ever be with him like this. He would never remember this moment or any of the ones before. How was I to tell him no?

I let it happen.

This was the most gentle he had been with me, since the first time I was with him. Sebastian's lips brushed against mine softly, and I felt a shiver go up my spine.

I kissed him back lightly. I didn't want to insinuate more. If I appeared too passionate, he would have taken it too far.

Sebastian stopped after a moment and pressed his forehead against mine. Our eyes met. I couldn't focus looking at him with his golden brown irises covered by his pupils.

I inhaled sharply and pulled away. He brushed my hair behind my ear and pulled my head into his chest. After an hour or so, he gestured for me to stand. He put his arm out leading toward the stairs.

I followed him into the bedroom. He kept his clothes on for once, which was unusual, and he laid in the bed. He put his arms out, like he was asking for a cuddle.

I crawled into bed and nuzzled myself into the nook of his arm, and my head rested in the space between his neck and shoulder. Sebastian hugged me tightly as he said, "I'm not the best at goodbyes, but darling, I love you more than life itself." He kissed the top of my head before he silently wept himself to sleep.