In the Shadow of Azkaban

Volume II: XXIX

Sebastian's Point-of-View
Outer Hebrides, Scotland
October 1893

"Anne has to return to Azkaban now, Sebastian." Iskra's voice was apologetic.

I approached her. She was so feeble now compared to before. I wrapped my arms around her and whispered into her ear, "Anne. I'll always love you, but I will never forgive you for what you did. I would have rather rotted in Azkaban than endured that experience you created. I wanted you to be saved, not me. And you did a piss poor job of it." I relinquished my grasp from her and gestured for Iskra to send her back.

Tears began accumulating in her lower lids, and I knew better than to play into that. There was one thing Anne tended to be that I despised. A manipulator. I couldn't stand too look at her anymore.

Sharp apparated into the hamlet. I couldn't believe he withheld the information from me. He was my mentor, my friend. I know that I chose to be Obliviated, but there were ways for him to explain that matter without reintroducing the memories. He didn't even try.

"Aesop. I need to speak with you once you're done locking Anne away again." I narrowed my eyes at them both before they disappeared into thin air.

Iskra turned to me. Her eyes peered into mine. "Sebastian. You're hurt." She brought her hands up to remove my cloak. My arm was badly brandished from one of the casts thrown at me. She took out her wand and drew it over the injury. Her voice was quiet as she muttered, "Episkey." The bruise and cuts shimmered slightly before they turned to flesh.

"What did you remember?" She tentatively asked. She appeared interested in what I had Obliviated away from me previously.

"I remembered that Anne was a demon, and I was an asshole." I looked down at the ground. I hugged my arms around my knees and put my chin in the space between them. "I treated a woman in my life terribly," I pressed my palms against my face in anguish, "and I had expected her to return to me once I left Azkaban. Like nothing had happened."

I sighed deeply at the memories flooding my mind. "She and my lifelong friend spent their time attempting to heal my sister, only for her to turn into a complete bitch. And then, they saved me. I repaid them by acting foolish and immature."

I bit my lip and raised my eyebrows just thinking about my actions, "And to make matters worse, I cannot tell them that I am sorry because then they will realize the memory charm somehow wore off. They'll just recast it." My gaze met Iskra's, and she was frowning at me, per usual.

"Why would they recast the charm without your permission?" She challenged me with the question. Her brows were pulled together, so that little wrinkles were forming between them.

"That was already a deal between Antoinette and myself. I had told her that she would have to Obliviate me for the rest of my life. It's as if I knew that the charm would not keep the memory of her away." I shook my head at the thought while my lips pulled to the side as my confusion ensued.

"Do you want to know what I think?" Iskra cocked her head to the side and smiled at me. Her teeth were barely visible behind her lips.

"Shoot," I said, my shoulders shrugging up and down waiting for her answer.

"I think you shouldn't say anything. Do not let anyone know. If you have matured and choose not to pursue her any further, then there is no need." She raised her eyebrows and smiled wider. "Your memories are just that. Yours." Her hands reached for mine, and she smoothed her thumbs against me before reaching into the sack she brought for some parchment.

"I am going to write to Sharp that everything is alright, and he does not need to return." She looked down at the scroll and began using her wand as a quill. Her eyes met mine occasionally, and she finally whistled for her owl to deliver the letter.

"Come. We have to prepare for tomorrow." Her voice was much lighter today. Perhaps she realized that my life was much more traumatic than she had believed.

The journey back was so much simpler than before. When we sat in the canoe, she turned over her shoulder and asked, "What's the worst thing that you remember about yourself now?" Her tone was quiet but intrigued.

I thought about lying. There was no reason for her to know every thought in my mind, but it was if I wanted her to know, "I killed my uncle."

Iskra did a double take as she paddled. I defended myself, "I was cursed by a relic I had found that belonged to Salazar Slytherin himself. I committed the Killing Curse under the influence of it. I would like to say it was horrid, but I enjoyed the feeling at the time. And that scared me." I breathed deeply. That was the first time I had admitted that to anyone, including myself.

I pieced together what occurred, "Now, I understand Antoinette had altered the memory to make me think Anne had killed him, and that was why she went to Azkaban. But the guilt has returned itself to me. So, that. That is probably the worst thing." My voice had waned throughout the entire time I spoke. I felt like curling up into a ball and disappearing.

"Sebastian. You must know that you are not a monster." Iskra turned to me while she got out of the canoe to dock it. She waited for me to stand and walk beside her to the cottage.

"I am beginning to think you are the only person who believes that." I laughed quietly and smiled wryly at her.

"Perhaps I am. But you are to be my partner, and I am placing my full trust into you," her head turned toward the staircase and she concluded, "I am going to retire to bed. Please rest soon. You will need it for tomorrow." She bowed her head and smiled at me before turning around to head upstairs.

I needed someone like Iskra. Someone who believed in me when I had not.