Sanders Sides (power rangers au)

Chapter 33.

Logan had gone straight from seventh period to meet with Patton, a slow headache forming in his head and butterflies in his stomach. His boxes trick had worked well, but he kept having to make more boxes and now his mind was cluttered with boxes and stray voices that had escaped his organization. Then in third period he’d caught his pencil from hitting the floor with his mind, before quickly grabbing it with his hand to make it look less suspicious than a pencil floating in midair. So by the time school had officially ended and extra-curriculars started, Logan had already made a mental note to keep Advil in his bag for future school days. Then there was his ribs and chest, which were achy and sore from his bindings yesterday. He had checked for any bruises before he had left to visit Virgil that morning, but was surprised to find only a few small bruises where the ends of his binding would have been.

Logan knew where to go for GSA, after all, there were signs everywhere. So he wasn’t surprised that he saw Patton standing outside the room. He was a bit more surprised to see their new principal talking with him and another teacher, Mr. Sanders. Logan debated moving forwards before he felt a hand pull him into an alcove.

“Shhh.” Remus and Janus said simultaneously.

“Why?”

“We’re being nosy. Good thing I can read lips.” Remus said, pushing past Logan to be on the outside. “They’re still talking about elephants.”

Logan gave them a look before opening up his mind to see if he could hear their conversation from his head. “I am not completely sure of what they are discussing, but Virgil’s mother has some rather nasty thoughts.”

“I knew she was kinky!” Remus threw his fist into the air. “Janus, you owe me!”

“Not that kind of nasty, Remus.” Logan frowned. “I believe she is trying to make sure that her son won’t be in attendance at this club.”

“So she is homophobic! I told you we were right to do that!”

Logan felt a wave of accomplishment hit him from Janus, before images of yesterday's fiasco entered his mind. “That was why you did your prank?”

“Yeah,” Janus said, looking at him with a weird expression. “Did you peek into my mind?”

“Not intentionally, your pride over this was enough to send the mental image anyways.”

“Shh, she’s walking away.” Remus whispered, and all three of them wedged themselves against the walls to hide from her, Logan smushed awkwardly in the middle.

I strongly dislike you both at this present moment. Logan thought while looking at them.

Testing. Testing. Remus gasped. We can talk to each other like this too??

This is what you hear from Remus’s brain? Janus’s voice entered. I’m so sorry.

Hardly, this is simply what he is choosing to send. You do realize you need to tell Patton, correct?

They watched as the principal strode by, and the three walked out to see Patton talking to Mr. Sanders while throwing his hands in the air. Logan quickly walked over. “Patton?”

“Logan!” Patton turned, quickly turning and putting on a smile. “I didn’t see you coming.”

So… you still want us to tell him? Or that we were listening in?

I- Logan looked at Patton and awkwardly gave him a hug. No. I believe we shouldn’t tell him at this moment. Maybe at a later time.

“I am sorry Patton. I am not very good at giving emotional support.” Logan said.

“You’re doing great.” Patton said as they squeezed his shoulder.

“Would you like to discuss what is wrong?”

“Maybe after the meeting.” Patton said, taking a deep breath and pulling away, leaving a weird emptiness in Logan’s chest.

“Very well.” Logan said, grabbing ahold of Patton’s hand. “Then perhaps you should go to the bathroom to calm down.”

“Would you come with me?”

Logan wanted to say yes. However, he felt the weight of his chest as if a reminder of what he really was. It just made him want to scream. “I cannot. However, I’m sure Remus and Janus can.”

Patton nodded, giving him a soft smile before leaving with the danger duo, and leaving Logan standing with a weird emptiness in his heart and the wish to look the way he really was. He was normally very good at handling his dysphoria, mainly by shoving it so far down with Ace Bandages that they would never see the light of day, but moments like this made him realize how much he hated the way he looked. He felt too much like a girl. He felt like there weren’t enough bindings in the world to cover him. Like there weren’t enough voice lessons out there to make him sound like himself. He felt like everytime he walked there were people who looked at him and thought of her. Her. Nora. The name that he never once hated, but never once felt like was his either. When he’d settled on Logan, he felt like Nora was some girl who he no longer knew. Like a childhood friend that had moved away and who Logan no longer spoke to. However, that didn’t stop Logan from discovering that he would have to wear a bra, or go through a puberty that made him hate who he was even more. That didn’t make him feel like he was any less of an imposter who was walking around. A boy locked inside the body of a girl who couldn’t escape. Logan felt like screaming.

“Hey.” Logan felt a hand gently tap his shoulder and he spun to see Mr. Sanders staring at him. “Did you want to come in?”

Logan looked at the room, a room of others who might know what it was like. A room of others who would know what he was. It didn’t stop him from shaking slightly. “I will wait for Patton to return, thank you.”

“Of course.” The teacher said, before turning and leaving Logan alone in the halls.

Logan didn’t mind the solitude though. Not normally, anyways, but after Patton had been so close with him today, he wasn’t sure he was completely interested in anything other than being alone… with Patton.

“Logan, sorry that took so long!” Patton said as he walked quickly back towards Logan.

“It did not. Are you feeling any better?”

“I-” Patton looked at him, and Logan could feel a buzzing of emotions that only danced in a sad unison with his own. “No, but that’s okay. Come on, let’s go inside.”

“Of course.” Logan said, and turned to open the door. Remus and Janus went in first, followed by Patton who gently brushed fingers with Logan as he did. Logan followed closely.