A New Beginning (Advance Bravely: Xia Yao & Yuan Zong) ~COMPLETED

Chapter 35 (feelings for Yuan Zong)

This chapter is basically about Xia Yao's feelings about everything! :)

20 Votes and 5 comments for chapter 36! 💕

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Xia Yao's POV

These past few days I couldn't stop thinking about Zhi Shui's words. He was right about literally everything. Yuan Zong did care for me. He tried to make sure that I was safe, in good hands. And even though he got on my last nerve sometimes, I couldn't help, but be fond over that man. I had sleepless night because of him. Dreams, I had no control over, as much as I would have loved to. I thought about him like crazy, my thoughts were clouded by him.

During work, during lunchbreak, during my workouts at the gym, whenever I was with my mother, too. I thought about him all the time, I should just stop denying that. I had flashbacks from those intimate moments I had shared with Yuan Zong, I missed them. I wondered what he was up to all the time, if he had anyone over or who he was with at the moment.

And Zhi Shui was right. I was scared of love, scared to get hurt at the end. I mean, who wasn't? I wasn't experienced in love. Nor had I ever received love from anyone, really. Not from my dad, not even from my mother. All she did all the time, was put pressure on me, ever since I was little. Whether it was my school grades, sports or my behaviour. I always needed to better than everybody. She always compared me to others and she still does. This was defnitely not good for anyone, really. Yuan Zong was actually the first person, that made me experience love. That actually took the effort to be with me and interest in wanting to be with me. And it was a beautiful feeling. He was the first person, to ever tell me, that he loved me, I was loved. And I never had that feeling. He came into my life so unexpectedly. I never expected him to turn my world upside down. I never even thought about dating a man.

Honestly, I had never thought, that I would be capable to like someone like that. So much, that I wanted to be with them and only them. I grew up in such a... cold and dark environment, I thought that all the hate would reflect on to me, to my life. And it did. Until now. Until Yuan Zong came into my life. He was the light at the end of the tunnel. Literally. Everytime he wanted to get closer to me, I pushed him away. Even though I didn't want to, yet I still did it. Why? I had no idea. In the beginning, the thought of two men being together in a relationship, grossed me out. Two men being comitted to each other, how would it work? It wouldn't. That's what I thought all the time. Plus, no one really talked about same sex relationships here, it was taboo here in China. A lot of people saw and still see it as a big issue, which I didn't get. Now, at least. I used to think just like them, but that had changed now. Drastically. Now, I wanted to be with a man. And I was a man. And I was going to attend a same sex wedding in just a few days. So, yes. My point of view on same sex relationships had changed drastically.

And the wedding was only a few days away and I just knew that Yuan Zong would try to pull his tricks on me again. He did that all the time and I was scared, that I would get weak and fall for him. Again. It was a wedding and it's not like I could throw a tantrum in front of everybody. Would I be mad if Yuan Zong tried to... get close to me, again? No. I would not be mad. In fact, I was hoping he would try to be with me, want to be with me.

But what if he didn't like me like that anymore?

What if he actually found interest in someone else, someone better than me?

What if he was only playing with me, to piss me off and what if he did not actually like me?

I seriously needed to stop with all these what if's or else I would have gone crazy! 

But one thing I knew for sure now, was, that I did have feelings towards Yuan Zong. How I knew? Well...

I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss we had shared a long time ago. And I missed it. I missed being with him, sharing those intimate kisses and having him hold me close to his body, cuddling me. I missed his gentle touches on my body, that left me tingling all over. I missed him telling me he loved me, only me. I just missed him and craved his touches like crazy and I missed his body on mine. And now that I knew how it felt like, how it felt like being with him, I just wanted more and more from him. And I needed to do something about it, before someone else took him away from me. And I couldn't believe how long it took me to realize that. Definitely too long. I knew he was right for me, ever since we first kissed. Yet I pushed it to the back of my mind and pretended that I hated him. I treated him like shit, when allhe ever did, was, care for me. He was good to me. Yeah, of course he pissed me off a few times, but I think that he did it on purpose, just to get my attention. He was the only person that cared about me and was actually treating me good, besides our little arguments.

And sometimes, you don't realize you are falling for someone, until it is too late and you are already too deep in it, to find a way out.

Just like me.

..................

Next chapter will be way longer and cuter ;) WEDDING BELLS ARE RINGING!

20 Votes and 5 comments for chapter 36! 💕

Vote, Comment, Share and Follow me, please! 💖