Secret Mistake 3

95.

GIA POV

[continued... and may be an emotional chapter.. reader discretion is advised]...

Honestly, I didn't want to hear about Delano's cheating. For the meantime I just put that all in the back of my head where all the other trauma things are. I was tired of being hurt.

"Gia? Tell me what you're thinking?" My therapist asked.

See I told you.. you are useless...

You can't even satisfy a man...

"Gia?" I looked up "oh umm... let me just say this... when you were feeling disconnected. I was working on myself. At the same time I was suffering through post partum. Trying to do the right thing to get help before things got worse. But instead you say here claiming you felt alone. So you rather me suffer in silence just so you wouldn't cheat?!. Second, I'm so sorry I couldn't be the woman that you needed. With all I've gone through... I'm sorry I'm broken. I'm sorry my mother damaged me with her words and hands. I'm sorry I can't say I love you and mean it. I'm sorry that I sometimes run from you. Sorry I can't love you the way you want. But I won't sit here and agree that what you did is because you felt disconnected. At least show me some respect that I went out of my way to try and fix myself. This is why I ask you why are we together?. When we were living separate why didn't you just leave it at that? Why do you feel the need to always want me?. If you claim all  these things about Bria... then why me?. You could've stayed with her. Why bring me along so I have to constantly worry if you'll cheat again. We can say we are trying for our kids but at what cost?. I've never ever cheated on you whether we were broken up or not. I've always remained loyal to you. I mean you could've had any other woman but you chose family" tears were falling down my cheeks. My therapist handed me a tissue. Delano sat in there in silence. He didn't know what to say.

I needed to excuse myself. Getting up I went to the bathroom to be alone for a minute. Sitting on the toilet but not using it.

You worthless piece of shit! I warned you!...

Closing my eyes cause my mothers words were just coming through.

Told you... you were useless!.

Breathing slowly so I didn't get any surprising panic attacks. This is why I didn't want to do this. Why I was so nervous to come here. About five minutes later I walked back inside the room. Delano looked at me. Sitting down he pulled me to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded.

He hugged me and kissed my forehead.

Don't know what he sees in you!.

"So we got somewhere today. And Gia don't apologize because you aren't the person that someone wants. Delano should want the person you are whether if that means you are a survivor or not".

I nodded.

What does she know?.

Survivor? All you are was a mistake I should've taken care of!.

"That was the reason I pushed you away in the beginning. I was trying to save you from being with someone like me" I said.

Bria was always prettier than you! Always!

"Gia, I am in love with you. Whether you believe me or not but I am. And I'll always be" he said. I gave him a small smile.

"Well you guys I wanted to thank you for coming. And I'll see you again" she smiled. We got up and left. I pressed the elevator. Delano stood close to me "I know saying sorry doesn't cut it. But if it takes the rest of my life I'll make it up to you".

He never wanted you! He saw you as an obligation!.

"Yeah, sure" I said. He turned me around to face him "Are you okay?".

I nodded "yeah I'm fine". He stared at me until the elevator doors opened up. We stepped inside. The ride down was quiet. Once we reached the lobby I walked as fast as I could to my car. Since we met each other here I could go home alone. Opening my car door I saw Delano he waved at me. I smiled.

Closing my car door I just stared outside.

Don't you wish I would've knocked you hard enough that you died?

Shaking my head cause these thoughts were annoying.

You don't deserve Delano. That's why he cheated! And he'll always cheat!

Starting my car I put the radio on loud. Trying to muffle the mind from thinking. Taking my time to get back home. Hopefully Ryan has the house under control. Our kids are the one thing I cherished and loved. I make sure they know how much they are loved. At least I know no matter what I do or say they'll always love me!.