Secret Mistake 3

96.

GIA POV

All I wanted was to be with our kids. When I got home Harlow and Salem were in my room on the bed watching television. Taking off my shoes I crawled on the bed and squeezed in the middle of them. They snuggled up next to me hugging me.

The one thing that will never hurt me is our kids. I felt safe around them. Protected.

"Mommy are you okay?" Salem asked.

I nodded "now I am". She looked at me and went to put her head back down. Ryan walked past the room but came back "What is going on here?".

"Mommy doesn't look good so we are snuggling with her" Salem said. Ryan facial expression went from calm to worry. "Mom what's wrong?".

"Nothing. I'm fine now" I lied. I don't need any of our kids worrying about me or my mental state. He stood there and I know he knows I'm lying but it's what I do to protect them from my craziness.

Hearing the door open and shut. Ryan looked behind him "hey dad".

"Where's mom?" He asked. Ryan pointed to the room "she's in here". Delano peeked his head in and smiled at me. I was so snuggled into Salem and Harlow I didn't even see him too much.

"Mommy is sad" Harlow said. Salem looked at Harlow and back at me "is that true?".

Ryan stormed out of the way and went out of sight. Great!. Delano watched as Ryan went to him room slamming the door. I felt so bad knowing Ryan was upset. Delano sighed "girls can I speak to mommy alone?".

Harlow got up and left. Salem was hesitant. "Will you be okay?".

I nodded "you girls made me feel a lot better".

Salem smiled and walked out the room. Delano walked in and closed the door. "I want you to tell me all that you experienced growing up. Every single thing. Don't leave anything out".

Playing with my fingers cause I didn't want those stupid voices to come back.

"Go on" he said.

"Umm... well... no secret my mom hated me. You've seen what she's capable of. But you didn't see what she has done to me. Do you know I came to work with bruises on me sometimes?. Makeup can only do so much covering".

"I do remember one time you had a bruise on the back of your neck but you said you and your brother was rough housing".

"I wish that was the truth. My brother called me saying my dad wanted to talk to me. Went over there but neither him or my brother was home. But my mom was. I tried to leave but she started her usual shit. Calling me names and getting in my face. That's when she grabbed me by the back of my neck and throw me out the house".

"Gia why didn't you tell me this then?" He asked.

"Why put my problems onto you?" I asked.

"I could've helped you" he said.

"She would always say how worthless I was or how I was better off dead. That the only mistake she's ever made was having me. She called me ugly every day. I never understood what I did so wrong for her to hate me so much. As a kid I was confused. Trying to fix something I didn't know how".

Delano sat there and listened.

"She didn't care about me at all. We lived comfortable but you would never know by looking at me. I wore the same clothes for years until it started ripping. And if I talked back... it just led to me getting hit. I missed school because I had to wait for certain marks to fade. I wondered is this was love is? Is it pain? They say your parents love you... but the pain was my love. I used to hate going home after school. She would wait for me. My dad was always busy with work so he didn't even know what was going on. Sometimes when my dad and I would hang out I felt at peace for that short amount of time. It was a beautiful feeling".

"I knew about the verbal and emotional abuse but you never shared with me the psychical part of it. If i has known I would've taken care of it for you!" He said.

"When I found out I was pregnant with Ryan. I was scared, terrified. Questioning if I could be a good mom. My mind told me so many negative things about myself. So I made the decision to try and terminate the pregnancy. I didn't want to bring another soul into the life I experienced. That wouldn't be fair".

"And now he's a preteen who's amazing and protective... and funny. You did an awesome job with all our children" he said.

"I refuse to have them feel pain or not loved. Wouldn't want them to feel any or the things I felt growing up" I said.

"Gia have you ever tried to kill your self?" He asked

"Never tried but doesn't mean it wasn't thought about. Especially when I was younger. I had many chances to do it but I was too chicken" I said.

He didn't say anything else. He reached over and hugged me tight. We stayed that way for a while in each other's arms.