ATEEZ Imagines.✔

kim hongjoong.

disclaimer; sensitive topics, such as: starvation, self-loathing, etc.

•

You looked at your ribs in the mirror, sighing. You never wanted your weight loss to get out hand, but it totally did. Though, you were glad you'd lost the weight, and you were finally tiny. It had taken two years, but you finally did it.

You slipped on a hoodie and brushed your hair, heading downstairs to meet your family at the table. You sat down and started eating, enjoying the only meal you would eat that day.

"Y/N, you seem a little pale, are you feeling okay?" Hongjoong, your best friend, asked.

You looked over and smiled. "Yeah, just a little tired, is all."

You walked into class and took your seat, putting your head down. You felt dizzy and nauseous, so you wanted to rest a little before class started. You felt a hand on your back, and you turned your head and smiled at Hongjoong. He smiled as he rubbed gentle circles into your back; it didn't take long for you to fall asleep at the feeling.

After class, Hongjoong gently shook you awake and ran his hand through your hair. "I'll see you at lunch, but Mrs. Zao wants to talk to you."

You nodded and sleepily stood up as he left the classroom, and you quickly went to Mrs. Zao's desk.

"Hongjoong told me you didn't feel well, so I let you rest." She smiled. "So, I'll quickly go over the lesson so you're not behind."

You sat with Hongjoong at lunch and rested your head on his shoulder, and he played with your fingers under the table.

"Y/N, I'm worried. You've been so sleepy lately, and you always look so sick." He whispered. "Tell me what's going on."

"Joong, I'm just not getting enough sleep, really."

You looked up at him and he sighed. "You've never been like this before, and I'm scared for you. I know you say that you're fine, but I've also known you long enough to know that you don't want me to be worried."

You grabbed his hand with both of yours and smiled reassuringly. "I'll be okay, I promise."

You definitely weren't okay.

You and Hongjoong were walking back to your house after school, and you started stumbling from how dizzy you got. Hongjoong grabbed your waist and pulled you to his side, keeping you steady. Your head dropped and you suddenly felt weak.

"Y/N-"

But that was all you heard before you passed out. Hongjoong gasped and caught you before you hit the ground, picking you up and rushing to your house. When he got there he walked in and laid you on the couch, and your mother walked in at the sound.

"Hongjoong, what happened?" She asked.

"I don't know. She just fainted while we were walking." He said. "She's seemed really sick lately and I think she passed out because of it."

She nodded and sat on the ground. "I'm not supposed to know, but-" She started, raising your hoodie up just under your bra, revealing your ribcage. "She's been starving herself to lose weight. I don't know why I didn't say anything to her, it's been going on for so long, I just didn't think it was this bad."

Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows and teared up at the sight. "I can't believe I never noticed, I mean, I grabbed her waist earlier to catch her." He paused. "Why would she do that? She was perfect the way she was."

Your mom shrugged. "I don't know, she never said."

Hongjoong wiped his eyes. "I'll talk to her when she wakes up."

You winced at the bright light when you opened your eyes, groggily sitting up. You saw Hongjoong sitting in the chair next to the couch, his head resting in his palm and his eyes closed.

"Joong?"

His eyes opened and he got up to sit with you on the couch. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Tired."

He sighed and grabbed your hand. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

He stared at your for a moment before chuckling, almost angrily. "Yes, you are, Y/N. You're starving, literally."

He gently grabbed your waist, his eyes soft. "This is unhealthy, Y/N. Why are you starving yourself?"

You were crying at this point, and you yanked your hand out of his grip. "Because I wanted to, Hongjoong! Do you know how hard it is to look in the mirror and hate yourself, every single day?"

"You shouldn't, Y/N! You never had a reason to starve yourself, you've always been perfect the way you were. You may not believe it, but everyone else does. You're so beautiful, and you're so smart, and you never had anything to worry about, seriously!"

You let your head drop. "I don't like how I can see my ribs, Joong. I never meant for it to get out of hand." You whispered.

He grabbed your chin and lifted your head up, making you look up at him. "Then start eating so that you can't see them anymore. I will be right next to you while you work on it. I'll make you realize how amazing it is to love you."

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a/n: i just want to say that starving yourself, or self-harming in any other way, is so upsetting and so unhealthy. i know sometimes you feel like it's helping you, but it's scarring you further, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. you should feel comfortable in your own skin, and i know that it can be hard sometimes, but the journey is worth it. i struggled with loving myself, but i made the decision to love myself, and it was a hard, yet amazing journey. i still have days where i just want to hide, but then i have days where I feel so confident that I want everyone to see me. I know people that self harm/used to self harm, and it's so upsetting to see such amazing people hurt themselves because they feel the need to. it's perfectly okay to want to improve, and better yourself, but you don't have to starve yourself, or push yourself to such extreme limits to do so. i hope all of you love yourself, maybe not right now so that you can work on it, but in the future, because it feels good to be comfortable in your own skin. if you ever need someone to talk to about it, i will always be here to help you through it.

xoxo, angel ♡