ATEEZ 9th Member AU

Coming Home Pt. 5

The conclusion to Nari and San's talk

The dorm was quieter than Nari had ever heard it. Usually, it was bursting with noise and her members teasing each other and being loud. But right now, she could hear a pin drop. Her eyes were red and puffy as she laid in bed, knowing that her and San needed to finish their talk. She was grateful to Hongjoong and Seonghwa who seemed to somehow make everyone be quiet or get out of the dorm.

Seonghwa had even been so kind to go out and buy her and San coffee instead of making them trudge through the dorm with puffy faces and red eyes. She swung her legs off the bed, walking towards San's room before knocking lightly on the door. It opened immediately and her heart broke at the sight of the man before her.

His hair was completely disheveled. His eyes were red and puffy with bags under them. It looked like he'd barely slept at all last night. But she hadn't slept peacefully either and could assume she probably looked just as bad. "You look terrible," she said, inwardly groaning at how raspy her voice sounded. San smiled, just a bit. "Ditto."

He stepped aside to let her in and she sat in the same spot as yesterday. This time though, instead of sitting across the room from her, he sat right next to her, chin placed in his hands. He really didn't know what more to say. His brain was much with emotions right now and words weren't clearly forming. Part of him really wished this was all just a bad dream—a nightmare—and he would wake up and she'd be smiling happily next to him, nagging they needed to get up and start the day.

"Do you think we can fix this? At all?" She asked quietly and it took San a moment to answer her. "Honestly? I don't know. I know I want to try and I want to. But no one can predict the future, Nar. I just—really don't know." He sounded as defeated as she felt. She had thrown that question back and forth to herself every night for the past few weeks. Was this even worth saving?

To her, yes. She loved him; she never doubted that. While she may have doubted his love for her, she didn't think that there wasn't love there for her. "If we—if we decide to work on this. There needs to be boundaries San. I have expectations and so do you. And we need to make those known." San nodded. "Tell me." He said and she bit her lip, feeling her already dry eyes burn with tears.

"I need you to trust me." She said and San raised a brow. "This jealousy you have, San-ah. It makes me think you don't trust me. And I don't know what I ever did to make you question your trust in me. But it's also not healthy. I feel like I can't have friends outside of our group without you getting pissed about it."

"Then you start insulting me. And yes, I insult you back out of anger. But it's been a never-ending cycle and it's not healthy. For either of us. I need it to stop. We need it to stop if this is ever going to work." San didn't say anything, taking in her words and letting them really sink in. "I don't know if it's that I don't trust you." He said finally and she looked at him, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"I've never dated before. I've barely ever had a crush on someone. You were the first. And I guess, I'm just scared that you will leave me one day. That you will find someone that's better or that can offer you more and then I'll just be—abandoned." He clasped his hands together. Being vulnerable was never his strong point. He was at a loss for words.

Nari hesitantly grabbed his hands in hers, rubbing her thumbs over them. "Even if this doesn't work, I'd never abandon you, San-ie. You're one of my best friends. For life. Dating or not." He nodded. "I know that. The rational part of me knows that. I just—I don't know what's wrong with me. But I really want to try. Try to be better. Not just for us. But for me, too."

She nodded, relieved he was open to it. "I don't really have anything I expect from you. Just to be patient with me. Call me out when you first notice something going awry. Before I make it escalate." He said quietly and she hummed. "I can do that. If you'll do it for me too." He nodded, squeezing her hand gently.

There was an awkward silence, the one question that they needed answered lingering, unsaid. "Are we staying together?" San finally managed to whisper out, holding in his breath. Nari looked at him, heart breaking little by little. "I think—right now." She took in a breath, trying to steady her voice and swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Right now—I think we need a break." Her voice broke at the end when she heard San's shaky exhale come out. He nodded, squeezing her hand again. "I understand." He said, but the look on his face only broke her more. He looked lost, hurt, angry, defeated. She knew hers mirrored the same, but she didn't care about herself that much right now. She cared too much about this boy in front of her. Enough to know that they just needed a break, for a while.

"Let's get through promotions first. Take time to heal ourselves and then we can try again. If you're willing too." She said, still unsure if this was what was best at the moment. Especially right before a new album was coming out. San nodded again, not able to make eye contact, tears already streaming down his face. But he tried to remain as strong as he could. "Of course I'll want to. I'll wait as long as you need." He choked out.

Nari stood up, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry, San-ah. I'm really sorry." She turned and ran out of the room, back to hers and slamming the door before letting sobs take over her body. She didn't expect it to hurt this much, hurt this bad. It wasn't technically over, but just the thought that she can't kiss him whenever she wants now, cuddle him whenever she wants, hurt. He was her person and she had broken him just like he had broken her.

Someone wrapped their arms around her, but she didn't even flinch. She gripped their shirt like it was her lifeline, the last thing she could ever feel. "I got you, baby." Yunho. How he got here she didn't care, but she curled into him while he held her, letting her cry. Just down the hall was San, sobbing his heart out as quietly as he could. He didn't want to make her feel guilty for the choice she made; for what she needed and that he knew he needed if he didn't want it.

He rocked back and forth, hand pressing harshly against his mouth to muffle the sound of his cries. He wasn't sure how he had any water left in him to cry. "I'm sorry, San-ah." Wooyoung. San buried himself into the boys chest. Wooyoung's heart broke for him and for Nari. They were both hurting, but Yunho had insisted that San needed Wooyoung more than him right now and that he'd take care of Nari.

"You two will make it through this, I promise." Wooyoung whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the back of San's head who only shook harder as sobs racked through his body.

Wooyoung prayed silently for peace to come to his friends.