After Forever & Ever

Chapter 69

Tessa-2014

I am driving home to spend Christmas Eve with my Mom. It's just going to be her and I....I am hesitant to tell her about Easton....because well she will absolutely love him. A guy in law school with everything going for him...and he's not Hardin Scott.

I am zoning out to some of Hardin's favorite songs again I don't know why I torture myself.

I even title the playlist HS for Hardin Scott...how pathetic.
M83-wait
Radical face-welcome home, son
Snow Patrol-run
The red jumpsuit apparatus-your guardian angel

My phones ringing it's Landon.

"Hey Tess." He says into the phone.

"Hey everything okay?" I ask.

"Hold on one second..sorry." He says and puts me on hold....weird he called me.

After 5 minutes of not coming back on I hang up and call back.

"Hey so sorry about that I had another call I had to take." He says into the phone.

"It's okay is something wrong?" I question.

"Uh yea....yea everything is fine. Just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas." He says....and I feel like there is something else that he's not saying.

"Oh okay. Yea, Merry Christmas Landon." I reply.

"Are you at your mom's?" He asks.

"No....well not yet I am driving now." I tell him.

"Oh okay well I'll let you get back to driving I'll talk to you later, Tess. Have a great Christmas." He says and rushed off the phone.

He was being so weird...

I can't help but think it had something to do with Hardin...

I arrive close to my mothers and stop and grab a pie for us for dessert...who do I run into...Noah.

"Tess!" He yells and runs up and gives me a huge hug.

"Hi Noah." I say trying to get out of his right grip around me.

"Merry Christmas!" He says.

"Merry Christmas Noah." I reply.

"Don't worry about a pie I already told Carol I would pick one up." He says to me.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"She didn't tell you....she invited me for dinner." He replies.

"No she did not." I answer annoyed..

"I hope you don't mind....I also got cherry your favorite." He says.

It is....but I am still beyond annoyed.

I say bye to him since I'll see him later I guess and I head to my moms.

Before I arrive I decide to not start off with being annoyed or upset because it will just make for a miserable time even though I'm sure that is where it will lead.

When I walk in you would think she was having dinner for 20 people. The house is decorated to the nines, she has the table set with all her fancy Christmas China with a full spread.

"Merry Christmas Sweetheart!" My mom says as she pulls me in for a hug.

"Merry Christmas Mom." I say to her as I hug her back.

"I made a roast, a ham..." my mom says and I interrupt.

"Why so much food?" I question.

"I just wanted your Christmas to be perfect." She replies.

"Your Christmas you mean." I reply.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She questions.

"Nothing...it all looks delicious." I tell her.

Moments later Noah walks in.

"Carol you out did yourself this looks amazing." Noah tells her.

Dinner is them talking and me nodding and agreeing. My mind is somewhere else.

Something feels wrong and I don't know what it is...

Tessa-Present

It never gets easy saying goodbye to him. I think especially now since we are good. I hope he finds what he needs of this trip...

Trish is helping me out today so that I can go to the grocery store. And do some Christmas shopping.

"I never know what to get anyone for Christmas...and I'm so late this year." I tell Trish.

"Well honey you have an excuse you just had a baby." She reassures me that it's okay.

"I don't know what to get Hardin." I say to her.

"Ahh yes he's always been quite difficult to buy for." She replies.

"What were your Holidays like back in England?" I ask her.

"Well quite honestly I used to love Christmas more than anything and now I can't wait for it to be over." She replies.

"Why's that?" I ask her.

"Well because of Christmas Eve and Hardin...it's a painful reminder" she replies her voice trembling.

"What do you mean Christmas Eve and Hardin?" I question.

"It was Christmas Eve and I found him after he took all those pills and he wasn't moving or breathing and that was the single worst moment of my life. I thought he was dead." She tells me.

I guess I never asked when and never connected the dots that was the call from Landon that first Christmas without Hardin. Landon was going to tell me....but didn't.

"Trish I'm so sorry I didn't know it was Christmas." I tell her.

"It's okay... that Christmas Day I spent not knowing if he was going to make it. I remember Ken didn't get in until late that night and I was alone most of the day and I thought I was going to lose my baby." She tells me.

It's so hard to see how much pain she is in still. All I can do is hug her.

"He relives what happened to me, and I relive what happened to him. The nightmares I have are finding him on the floor. The nightmares I have are him never waking up. And now that we know he is bipolar a lot makes more sense and puts my mind at ease that he is on the proper medication....as crazy as that sounds." She explains.

"I know...me too. I have been reading a lot about when someone is manic. The only thing that worries me is a sign someone might be in a manic state is very goal oriented behavior and he wont let California go...I just hope he's fine...you know?" I say to her.

"I'm glad Vance is with him...but yes I am concerned too." She tells me.

And I thought it was just me...just in my own head. But saying it out loud and hearing her thoughts. I'm worried. And I just let him go. And what if he's not okay...

I leave to go to the store and I go into my Apple Music and I play the HS playlist. As I am driving I get a text from Hardin. "Hey we just landed. Miss you already."

When I stop at a red light I text him back. "I'm glad you made it safely. I miss you babe."

It feels good to hear from him and puts my mind at ease he's thinking of me. I just hope these next 3 days fly by...