After Forever & Ever

Chapter 124

Tessa-Present

As much I hate being away from Hardin and Emery. I needed this vacation so bad. And New York is gorgeous it honestly makes me want to live here. As a writer this is just always where I saw myself and everything publishing is here in New York. And being back at work at Vance and running the LA office with him has been great but I don't know if that's where I'm meant to be. And I know that Hardin loves LA like he really, really loves LA....but I don't think I do....

I've never told him that.

I know he really wants things to happen with this song to set off his career again and have us be able to be on our own away from Vance. Which I absolutely could afford for us to get a place but he doesn't want that he wants to be the one to support us which I get.

But how do I tell him I don't want our next move to be in LA....he's so happy and he has this vision of us getting a place near the ocean but put some distance between us and Vance. And what if I see us here....

I feel like I have done so much, sacrificed so much of myself for Hardin I want to start thinking about me again because if I'm being honest I've really lost sight of who that is.

Everything has been all Hardin all the time pretty much since he came back in my life and what about Tessa....

This vacation couldn't have come soon enough I needed to get away, clear my head and get some space and breathe for a minute.

I wasn't going to but after dinner we went out for drinks and I started opening up to Landon and Dakotah and it's no secret they aren't big fans of Hardin and I told them what my hopes and dreams are and how I feel lost and Dakotah said I should rent the apartment across the hall from her with Emery. She said it's a one bedroom and it would be perfect for us. And in my drunken state that actually sounded really great. She said Hardin could always come visit and then we could decide where we want to be and maybe she's right...

So after I got back to her apartment where I was staying in her guest bedroom I drunkenly called Hardin.

"Hi babe." I say to him.

"Hey...are you drunk?" He asks.

"I just had a little." I reply.

"Mhm sounds like it." He replies.

"Do you like New York?" I ask him.

"Uhhh never been but I have nothing against it...why?" He asks.

"I love it here." I tell him.

"You do?" He asks.

"Yes...Dakotah said there is an apartment for rent across the hall that would be perfect for me and Emery." I say to him immediately wishing I didn't.

"Uhhh...what? You want to live in New York and take Emery?" He says raising his voice.

"It was just a silly thought." I try and recover.

"Is that what you want?" He questions in a slightly angry tone.

"I don't know. I'm drunk." I try brushing him off.

"Whatever Tess I'm exhausted. So good night." He says.

"Please don't be mad at me." I say to him.

"I'm not just good to know why you actually wanted to go to New York." He says and hangs up.

Ughhhhh why did I even say anything to him I'm so stupid. I don't even know if that's what I really want it just all sounds so good right now but I don't want to be away from him but I want to live a life for me again...

The next morning I try calling him and he texts back 'I'm out for a run I'll call you later' but morning turns to afternoon and he doesn't call back.

'How's emery?' I ask him through text.

'Good.' He replies

'What are you up to?' I text back.

And he leaves me on read...

I don't want it to ruin my trip so I try and push our little fight out of my mind. It was pointless anyways because it was just a thought not really happening...

The afternoon Dakotah and I go out shopping and I ask her how she made the decision to be away from Landon even though they are married and she told me they love each other very much but her job moved to New York and that was really important to her and part of what makes her who she is and so she knew she had to make the move. And it's hard, and right now there is no plans for Landon to move here but eventually they do want a family so when the time comes they will have to make a decision.

The big difference between Hardin and I and Landon and Dakotah is Emery. I know I can't take her away from him it would break him all over again. But I don't think this is where he wants to be....actually I know it. But why when things are finally good why do I want something so different then he does....

After shopping I try calling Hardin back at the apartment before we get ready for dinner and he ignores the call...

I don't want to but I call Vance... "hey is he home?"

"Hey Tess how's New York?" He asks.

"It's so nice!...is he there?" I ask again.

"Yea...he's in the studio though." He replies.

"Oh okay...everything okay?" Vance asks.

"Yea he just didn't answer but he's working so all good." I reply.

At dinner I probably over indulge a little too much before we even get to the bar. And then once we get there I drag Dakotah to the dance floor and make her dance with me. And take about 1 million selfies and post them to my Snapchat and sent one directly to Hardin.

He snaps back 'looks like you are having a good time'

'The best' I reply back.

I continue to dance even when Dakotah tells me she needs a rest and a guy comes up and tries dancing with me and I don't stop him I don't know why I don't but it's just dancing.

"Let me buy you a drink?" He asks me.

"Ah no it's okay." I reply.

"No please just 1 drink." He says and I follow. Which makes me lose sight of Landon and Dakotah.

We take a shot together and then I get a rum and coke.

We go back to the dance floor and Dakotah comes back and pulls me away from him so just her and I dance.

"She's taken sorry." She says to the guy and he gets the hint and walks away.

I don't last much longer and we head back to her place.

When I get back I snap Hardin 'this could be us in NYC' while I'm laying in bed.

'Not gonna happen.' He simply snaps back.

'Forgot you make all our decisions' I snap back.

'Exactly....' he replies I can tell annoyed and sarcastically.

'It be nice if you could do something for me for once' I say and again immediate regret strikes over me.

'That's how you feel?' He questions.

'Everything revolves around Hardin Scott...' I snap and then I guess that's all I have left in me for the night because I pass out....