After Forever & Ever

Chapter 130

Tessa-Present

Ugh what's wrong with me....

I don't blame him for being silent the whole drive home. When we get in the house he rushes off to our room then says he's taking a shower.

I go check in on Emery then go and lay down in our bed.

I'm waiting for him to come back to our room after his shower but a half hour passes by and he doesn't come.

I walk down the hallway and look in the bathroom the light is off and he isn't in there.

So I look around the house and no sign of him. I decide to go down to the studio and sure enough he is in there playing his guitar.

He stops as soon as he notices me in the doorway.

I walk over to him and grab his guitar out of his hand and lean it up against the wall beside him and then I sit in his lap.

"I'm sorry." I say as I gently kiss him.

He turns his chin away slowly and I can't help but notice how sad he looks.

"I just don't get it Tess." He says with frustration in his voice.

"Get what?" I quickly ask.

"Why?.....I'm trying so fucking hard to make you happy and...and it never feels good enough for you." He responds which hurts to hear because I don't feel that way and I hate that I made him think that....but I do understand why.

"It is good enough....you are good enough. I just feel like it's me." I respond honestly unsure what I even mean by that but it's truly not him it has everything to do with me and I know that.

"What's you?...what's the problem? Talk to me." He practically begs.

"I feel like your dreams are coming true and I feel like I'm just going to be along for the ride." I say to him.

"You know I'll support you in whatever you want to do, it's not just about me." He responds.

"I mean it kind of is...we live in LA for you. Our time together is now dictated by your schedule....I just want to know where me and my dreams fit in." I tell him.

"See I don't know what you mean by that....what are you referring to?" He asks me.

"New York Hardin! What if I want to work for a publishing company in New York." I say slightly raising my voice.

He takes a deep breath then looks down. "Then I don't know Tess." He finally replies.

"Your gone all the time and I don't see that changing and then I'm left twiddling my thumb." I tell him.

"Uh....not really but okay. What are you saying Tess? Just say what you want to say and stop tip toeing around it. If your worried about sending me over the deep end...don't I'll be fine. I'm just not going to keep doing everything in my power to make you happy when it doesn't matter and you don't care...I'll just give you what you want then and be done." He says and I can tell the words shocked him too. 

"I don't want to be done. I want to live my life too and not just yours." I say to him.

"Okay well I'm really starting to question whether we should have even got engaged....booked a date, and should even be getting married....because it doesn't sound like that's what you really want." He says raising his voice.

"I do....I just feel lost here." I tell him as I move off him and sit on the chair across from him.

"So what now Tess? Because we obviously aren't on the same page as far as what we want." He says annoyed.