After Forever & Ever

Chapter 141

Hardin-Present

I haven't been able to shake what happened that night and I don't think I ever will....it wasn't supposed to end that way...

I feel like at this point I deserve what ever is going to happen to me. I play it back in my head and it goes a better way every fucking time but why...why did it have to go down the way it did.

The last month there were so many fucking unknowns I wasn't even sure if they would let me stay in California, I thought for sure I was on a one way flight back to London.

But some how after a month of limbo they released me...

On an ankle monitor but nonetheless I'm home.

This was hard though so fucking hard. I don't want to go back. I was medicated beyond fucking belief way more then when I was in rehab and so today being home I took the normal dose instead of the double I think they were giving me and I'm going to try easing myself off of it.

Because I don't want to be like before or go through anything like that on top of the already fucked up shit I have to deal with.

Once I'm home I do want to talk to Tessa but I'm almost scared of what she thinks of me at this point or what she will say...

So I just decide to text her and keep it simple.

Except that doesn't really work because she ends up calling me right away.

Which I am happy she even wants to talk to me and she tells me she misses me and wants to see me. And that's honestly all that's kept me going is the thought of seeing her and Emery.

Our call is unfortunately cut short though because Adler calls so I tell Tess I'll call her back.

"Hello." I say into the phone.

"Hi Hardin." He replies.

"What's going on?" I immediately ask.

"A deal was brought to the table." He answers.

"Okay what is it?" I ask him.

"90 days in LA with 5 years probation...or you could testify against Reed in London and get off without jail time but there is a possibility for them to keep you from returning to the US." he tells me.

"How is either fucking one of those good for me?" I ask Adler.

"I know....I know, but honestly I think your better off doing the time in LA and that way you can wipe your hands clean of it and there's no chance for retaliation." Adler tells me straight.

"What happens if I fuck up while I'm on probation...what will they give me?" I ask him terrified of the answer.

He pauses for what feels like forever.... "it's hard to say but usually the time of your probation" he finally tells me.

"Fuck." I reply.

"They will give until tomorrow afternoon for a decision." Adler tells me.

I take a deep sigh.... "okay." I simply reply and hang up.

The last thing I want to do right now is text or call Tessa back because my head is fucking spinning.

I know everything changed when things went down the way they did but I guess this wasn't what I was expecting to happen. Or maybe it is and maybe it's like I said before what I deserve....

And I know Adler is right I have to take the LA deal...but how do I tell Tessa I'll be going back to jail for 3 months....when we are supposed to fucking get married and start our lives.