After Forever & Ever

Chapter 92

Tessa-Present

Having him tell me that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me is breaking my heart I thought that he would want to get better for us.

And I should probably leave it alone and let him get back to packing but I have to know how these next 6 months are going to go.

"So after you get approval are we going to talk while you're gone?" I ask him.

"I think we should just keep our talking limited to being about Emery." He replies.

"Can we just talk now and figure us out before you go?" I ask.

"Sure go ahead....since everything is always on your terms anyways...." he replies.

"That's not true." I respond.

"It's not?" He says raising his voice then proceeds to yell.... "My best fucking friend died i still had his blood on my hands and you decide you didn't want to be with me again. That same friend you were hooking up with while still convincing me I had something to prove to you to be with you...so tell me that's not on your fucking terms Tessa."

He leaves our bedroom and I follow him. Grabbing his arm to stop him. He won't even look at me.

"What?" He says.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about everything." I tell him.

"You fucked me up so bad before that I started using....that I tried to fucking kill myself...twice Tessa. (He pauses)
This really put things into perspective for me. I thought I was selfish. But it's always been about you. You're the fucking reason and you only care about controlling me and making me feel like fucking shit for everything and I'm done." He says as Trish walks in and I burst into tears.

"Hardin!" Trish yells at him,

He ignores her and walks into Emery's room.

Trish comes over and gives me a hug.

"It's okay sweetheart he is just taking the loss really hard he doesn't mean it." Trish tries to reassure me.

"No he does." I reply.

"Here let me make you some tea." She insists.

I grab a spot on the couch under the blanket and continue to sob.

Once my tea is ready Trish comes up and wraps her arms around me and just holds me while I cry.

Hardin still doesn't come out of the room.

A few moments later Vance arrives.

"Tess are you okay?" Vance asks me.

"I'm fine" I lie.

"What's going on?" He asks.

"Nothing." Trish answers for me and gives Vance a look as in to leave it alone.

"Is Hardin ready to go?" Vance asks.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"He texted me that he changed our flights to tonight." Vance replies and my heart sinks to the floor.

I made him so mad that he doesn't even want to spend his last night here with me.

I start sobbing again.

Hardin finally comes out of the room.

"So when we're you going to tell me you were leaving tonight?" I ask him.

He ignores me and goes into our room. I want to follow him but I don't. He comes out a few moments later with his bags.

He goes and grabs Emery from her room and brings her out and is saying goodbye to her. He finally hands her to his mom. And gives his mom a huge hug and Trish kisses him on the cheek.

He comes up to me and gives me the coldest side hug he could give and goes to let go almost immediately and I don't let him. I hug across him and he does end up putting his hand around my back and he just lets me cry into his chest.

"Tess I have to go." He says again beyond cold to me and I finally let him go. And he picks his bags up off the ground.

My heart is shattering into a billion pieces. He's right I am selfish and I did do this.

"Hardin I'm sorry." I say out loud and in front of Trish and Vance.

He gives Emery one more kiss goodbye.

"Are you ready?" He asks Vance.

"Uh yea I guess." Vance replies unsure what to do.

And without hesitation he walks out. And I feel like I can barely breathe I run into our room and slam the door behind falling to the ground behind the door. Sobbing into my hands.

What did I do? I think to myself.

I pushed away the person who has meant more to me than anyone in this world. I broke him.

I should have been there to heal his pain and instead I was the cause.

I have no idea how I am going to get through this or if he will ever want to come back to me....and I don't know if I blame him.

I was absolutely horrible to him and I see that now but it's too late and I can't fix it.

He doesn't want to fix it now either. And again I don't blame him.

I thought I would have one more night to try and get us to a place where we felt like we could at least work on things and now to be going 6 months without seeing each other and leave things the way we did I am terrified.

Trish knocks on the door... "Tess are you okay?" She asks me.

"Yes I just need a minute but I am fine." I reply.

Trish is moving out tomorrow too she actually is going to travel for the next 6 months until Hardin gets out of rehab and then establish routes once he figures things out.

I feel like she isn't even confident that him and I will make it....

When I finally get up I realize there is a note on the bed.

I pick it up and open it.

Tessa,
When I came back after the 30 day rehab while you were pregnant with Emery. I came back with so much hope that we would finally be good. That we went through enough shit that you and I could just be happy. I wanted it so bad, so fucking bad. But at the end of the day Tess I was never going to be good enough for you. I have spent a lot of time trying to prove to you and myself that I could be but I have always fell short and for that I am sorry. I did try and now I am going to try  and be better for Emery. All I can do now is do everything I can to be the best dad to my daughter. I will still always have love for you. Goodbye Tessa.

-Hardin

I feel like I am going to throw up. I start hyperventilating. It really is over. And for that I am completely broken.