After Forever & Ever

Chapter 119

Hardin-Present

Until you get better....

Until never comes..... I have sacrificed being away from my family for months to get better. And now....I'm even crazier than I was before.

So why do I keep fighting?....

I grab my phone off the nightstand and realize it's 7 at night. I feel hungover as shit probably from the bottle of bourbon I decided to chug.

I should regret it but I don't.

I hate myself....and I hate my illness. And I hate that I don't have control.

I feel like I have to stay away from Emery....and that's probably the worst feeling of all this. Because all I want is to be around her and love on her and I'm scared... I don't trust myself....

When I finally leave the room and walk into the living room. Vance, Smith, Tessa and Emery are all lounging on the couch watching a movie.

"Hey babe." Tess says.

"Hey." I simply reply.

"Why don't you come watch this movie with us?" She asks.

"Ahhhh that's okay I was going to go in the studio." I tell her.

"Okay." She replies with some disappointment.

"Ok fine I'll hangout with you guys for a little bit." I tell her and sit down on the couch next to her while she is holding Emery. She goes to try and hand her to me...and I back away.

"I'm sorry." I say and she's clearly confused but understanding at the same time.

She grabs my hand and we just watch the movie. After the movie everyone is just going back and forth with small talk and Tessa asks Smith how he likes LA.

"I wish we never had to move here." Smith says.

"Why?" She questions.

"Because all my dad cares about is Hardin." He answers.

"Smith stop." Vance says raising his voice.

"Smith I'm sorry." I say to him. I feel awful his whole life was uprooted because of me.

He pauses for a while and I can tell he has been holding this in for a while but finally gets it out...
"I hate you Hardin." He yells leaving the room. I mean if it makes him feel any better I hate me too.

Vance looks at me... "Hardin I'm so sorry he didn't mean that....the move has just been a lot on him."

"No it's fine." I reply and Tess squeezes my hand.

"Tess do you mind if I talk to Hardin alone for a second?" Vance asks Tessa.

"Yes of course I have to put Emery down for the night anyways." She replies and gets up and walks away.

Vance leaves the room then puts my pills on the coffee table in front of me. "You have to take your meds." He says.

I grab them off the table and take them and take a sip of water complying with exactly what he said.

"Can you show me the inside of your mouth?" He asks me.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I respond raising my voice.

"I'm sorry Hardin...but just this morning I was talking a cop out of taking you to jail for being drunk on the beach." He replies.

I open my mouth and stick my tongue out and lift it up.... "happy?....anything else? Do you want to search me to?" I ask him.