After Forever & Ever

After Never Chapter 6

Tessa

He's so upset...why did I do this?...

I'm sitting across from him balling my eyes out...and he can barely look at me, and he has already told me he doesn't know if he can do this.

And I'm an idiot. Because I do know how much he's put into this. Into us. Into making long distance work...for us...

And I ruined it. I fucking ruined it...

And for what?...because I do trust him. I don't think he was hiding it to be sneaky. I think everything with his music comes with a lot of fear...and that was extremely evident today...and I was a jerk. I did exactly what he said I did backing him into a corner to show me his music.

And it wasn't fair. I can't believe I did that to him. I don't know why I did that to him...and I get why he's mad. I really messed up...and I don't know how to fix this or if he will let me.

I finally find it in me to stop crying or maybe it's that I have nothing left...when Hardin finally says something.

"I texted Vance. He's going to pick us up." He says barely looking up from his phone.

"Can we please talk and try to fix this before we go back?" I ask him.

"I'm going to go pay and then wait outside." Hardin replies as he gets up from the table ignoring my ask.

I can barely hold it together...I hate that I did this.

I sit there for a moment longer trying to figure out how I could make this right...and I don't know if I can...I may have really blew it.

I get up and walk towards the exit and I am stopped by the waitress who was serving us... "whatever it is...you should forgive him...he's beautiful, and that accent." She says and just her saying that makes me want to punch her.

I give a dirty look and walk away...just enough to show my dismay in her comment.

I look outside and don't see him. I round the corner of the building...

"Did you think I left you?" He asks as he lets out a breath of smoke from his cigarette.

He knows I hate him smoking but right now I don't care.

"Are you going to?" I ask him.

"What?....Leave?" He questions.

"Yes..." I reply scared of his response.

He looks at me then takes a puff of his cigarette then puts it out...

"Sorry I know you hate that." He says to me.

"It's okay.." I reply still waiting for his response.

He looks across the street at the book store...

"You made me realize something today..." he says pointing across the street which has me confused.

"What's that?" I question.

"Maybe I just want to make music. Maybe I don't want to be a performer or at least ever play my songs in front of people...maybe that's something I can't do. And you doing what you did at least helped me figure that out now rather than later..." he tells me.

Which still has me confused...because what does that mean for us?...

I think he can tell I'm confused...

"What sucks right now is how hurt I feel. And how much I love you at the same time. I feel like I deserved more credit than you gave me...and I don't think right now we can go back to how things were...it feels like a betrayal. You and music are the two most important things to me and you did something so shitty with something so special...and it's wrecking me right now Tess. It's fucking me up." He tells me which sends a pit right to my stomach.