After Forever & Ever

Chapter 132

Tessa-Present

I left because I knew I had to...and I know that doesn't make sense. And I know I hurt him....I hurt myself. But I don't know once we booked our rate and it all became so official. I honestly got scared. And okay....yea I have been through it before when I was going to marry Easton but look how that worked out....

And I know Easton and I didn't workout because of Hardin. And I do know that Hardin is the one. But I feel like he is just now getting his life put back together and I almost feel like Emery and I don't fit in. And as bad as it sounds I feel like he is my Mr. Right but maybe not Right now.

I want to get out of my own head and I know I am super insecure and all the attention he's been getting has really got to me so I am going to talk to a therapist when I get back to LA and hopefully I'll have better insight on how to handle all this. Because I'm beyond stressed....beyond freaking out and I don't know what to do.

When I get back to LA Vance picks Emery and I up from the airport. Hardin has Fallon today and the watch party later and I know under normal circumstances he would want me there but obviously him and I aren't on any sort of normal right now.

I am super proud of him though...that's huge. And I know he has worked really hard for it.

"How's he been?" I ask Vance when I get in the car.

"Tess honestly....not good." He replies.

"I didn't mean to hurt him... I just need to figure everything out." I reply.

"I felt like he was my teenage daughter going through a break up. He wouldn't leave the bed and he laid around all day and night. I had to check in on him to make sure he wasn't going to do anything because I was nervous for that." Vance tells me....which absolutely crushes me.

"I'm going to talk to a therapist and I was hoping you could watch Emery while I go. I know Hardin has his big day today and I hope we get the chance to talk tomorrow but I think it be better if before we do that I talk to somebody and talk through this. Whatever this is I am going through..." I respond.

"Can I be straight with you for a second?" Vance asks me.

"Yes of course." I reply.

"He loves you. He would do absolutely anything to make you happy and I truly believe that's all he's ever wanted. He was lost and sick for a long time and we both are no strangers to that. But I finally have gotten the chance to see happy Hardin and I don't want to see him go away. Seeing him hurting this past week has killed me. I know you both are two separate people but please Tess understand that above anything else your his reason for everything he does." Vance says which I could tell was very hard for him to say.

"I know." I simply reply because I do....

I know...and I wish it was as simple as that. Because that's all I ever wanted too...happy Hardin.

And here I am breaking him and for what?...

We get back to the house and I put my bags down in our room and see the candy wrappers and popcorn bags. And the room is a total mess. Vance wasn't kidding.... not that I thought he was but I'm seeing for myself.

I get Emery situated and then I head out for my appointment.

I'm nervous because I just feel lost in all the feelings I have been having. I don't know if it's fear or why setting a date sent me into this wild frenzy. Even though it really started back in New York...

When I get there I get called back for my session almost immediately.

My therapist is Dr. Leahy and she starts off our session with a lot of basic getting to know me questions.