After Forever & Ever

After Never Chapter 15

Hardin

It's been a month and a half since Tess and I went to the accident site. Meaning, It's been a month and a half since I have seen her. Which I think between seeing Zed and being there it set me over the edge and I haven't been able to recover...

It's been just under a month that Zed's been in jail serving his sentence...

I finally am walking off crutches with just my brace.

Life should be back to normal right?...

Only it's the farthest thing from it.

I left Ken's because I was arguing with him, or Karen or Landon everyday.

So now I'm back at the frat. And my days consist of taking enough drugs to be pain free to function or take enough drugs or drink until I black out.

There's no in between.

When I choose function... I go to class.

When I don't... I get fucked up at the house.

It's been a vicious cycle. And I'm sick of everyone saying they're worried about me.

I tell them I'm fine...I know I'm not. They know I'm not.

But all I want is to be left the fuck alone. And...The only person who's done that is Tessa. Probably because the last time we spoke I was fucking horrible to her. And I wouldn't be surprised if she never talks to me again.

It was on our way home after seeing Zed, and the accident site. I was not in a clear frame of mind.

I went back to our talk about her going back to Seattle and living her life.

I told her I never loved her, and that the biggest favor she could do for me was be out of my life for good.

I want to feel bad about it. And if I'm being honest with myself...I do. I feel fucking awful. I hate myself for it.

But I think in reality I was the one who did her the favor by saying what I said. Because it allowed her to truly be done with me once and for all.

And even though that's not what I want. I know that's what's best.

The accident ruined my fucking life, and there's no point in having Tessa be along for the fucking ride.

Plus after this semester I'm going back to London...if I even make it to the end that is...I have to meet with Ken this afternoon about my grades...since I'm failing everything.

My professors gave me grace for a while there...but I think that's officially ended.

I just don't know if I'm meeting with Ken my dad. Or Ken the chancellor.

Both will be annoying seeing as how he's beyond pissed at me. Which I don't blame him. I haven't exactly given him any reasons not to be.

But today is a day I chose function so I am in class right now. I'm in class and made it for a day we have a test. A test I didn't know was even a thing...

Which is why the only thing I'm accomplishing is writing my name at the top. And drawing a picture of a shark eating a person...why? I don't know. What I do know is I'm failing this test, and likely failing this class.

I decide after a while there is no use sitting here any longer so I turn my test in, which brings a disappointing look from my professor...not the first time I've provoked that look from her...

That's pretty much all I do these days is disappoint people.

I decide to have a cigarette before walking in to talk with my dad and as I do Molly walks up.