After Forever & Ever

Chapter 68

Hardin-2014

Today is the day I get out of rehab...and after I pass this final drug test ...which is them watching me piss... which I guess I am used to by now. Surprise...surprise I pass....so I can have the ankle monitor off. I can't fucking wait....I don't know why that was even necessary. It's not like I could have went anywhere... I'm still on fucking crutches.

The officer arrives to take off the monitor so that's a fucking relief.

My mum has taken this all pretty hard. They had a family day each week...she came to the first two and could barely look at me and then didn't show up to the last two. Which is fine...honestly I didn't give her a reason to want to be there for me.

She's not even picking me up...

I told her i would just take a cab home but I am an idiot and I call Dean. I'm not even in the car two seconds and I am already shooting up.

I almost forgot how good this feels. I know how fucked up this is I just got out of rehab and I went right back to what I was doing before. But why does it fucking matter....

I know my mum is expecting me home so I have him drive me back. Which I don't know if this is a good thing or bad thing or if she will be able to tell I'm on anything.

Dean hooked me up with some pills...so I took a few of those too..

When I arrived to my house...the key doesn't fucking work. So I knock on the door. My mum comes to the door.

"Why doesn't my key work?" I ask.

"I had the locks changed." She tells me.

"Why?" I question.

"Because I obviously can't trust you and I don't want you coming and going as you please." She tells me.

"Whatever." I say walking (hobbling) past her throwing my backpack to the ground.

She grabs my arm as I am walking away which stops me dead in my tracks then grabs my face.

"I saw who drove you home...and I know you are fucking high, or on something. You can't stay here if this is how it's going to be....you just got out of rehab today for god's sake." She yells at me.

I pull my chin out from her grip and go into my room slamming the door behind.

"Fuck." I yell slamming my head into my pillow. I really don't know if our relationship will ever be fixed after this. And I know my mum has always been there for me but she kind of walked away on this one and not going to lie it fucking hurts but maybe that's what I need.

The next day I get the boot off and can walk pretty decent without crutches.

I go the whole day feeling like a huge scumbag for everything I have put my mum through. And everything I've done. I have fucking nothing everything that meant something I destroyed...

When I lay down for the night I can't sleep...I decide to leave and try clearing my head from these thoughts. I don't want to go back with Dean but I also don't have anywhere to go.

I pack a bag and meet up with Marcos who sells to me. I end up going to a park and use my bag as a pillow and that is where I sleep for the night. Why this was my number one option for the night...I don't know. That's how fucked up I am.

I wake up the next morning at an all time fucking low.

And in that moment I know that I can't fucking be here anymore.

I go home and my mum lets me in... "Hardin where were you all night?" She asks me.

"Out." I reply like a fucking asshole.