After Forever & Ever

Chapter 9

Hardin 2014

I arrive in London after drinking myself to oblivion on the plane. And decide I should probably hold off on seeing my mum.

She doesn't know I'm back and she will be less than thrilled to see me drunk.

I grab a cab and head to my buddy Dean's place who I guess I am just hoping is home since I put my phone in that glass of water.

Not my best work I tell myself. When I knock on his door he surprisingly answers. "Damn Hardin Scott back from the dead, what's up man." He says to me as he pulls me in for a hug.

"Yea it's been a while." I tell him.

He notices my bag. "Cool if I crash here for the night I'm a little fucked up, figured I should sober up a little bit before I see my mum." I tell him

"Yea of course crash as long as you want" he replies

"Thanks man" I reply as I throw my bags down.

"I was actually about to head out to the bar though do you want to go?" He asks

I don't hesitate and we head out. I forgot how much this kid could drink. I am just trying to keep up. I don't even remember leaving the bar just arriving back at his place and his roommate is having people over.

Dean pulls out some coke and lines it up on the glass coffee table.

"Hey Scott you want a hit?" He asks me.

"Yea I'll take one" I tell him as I lean down and take the hit.

It hurts more than I expected, but feels good? At the same time.

Already super fucked up this is probably a bad idea. But fuck do I feel so fucking good.

After about 20 minutes I feel it going away. So I take another hit.

I see a girl there and she actually kind of looks like Tessa. And in this moment I realize that it's the first time I've thought of her since being back.

I've been in such a fucking haze I haven't really thought about much.

The girl ends up coming up to me. "I haven't seen you here before. I'm Taylor." She says and I can't help but notice her tattoos. She is like a Tessa with tats.

"Hardin." I reply.

"Do you want to be my beer pong partner?" She asks me.

"Uhh sure." I reply.

She's actually pretty good and even fucked up I am
making most of my shots.  We end up running the table most of the night.

After we are done playing...one thing leads to another and I'm hooking up with her in Dean's bedroom.

Not sure when I passed out but I wake up and she's not there. Which is fantastic I didn't want that awkward morning encounter.

But I spoke too soon and she is cooking breakfast at the stove....with my hoodie on.

While Dean and his roommate are passed out on the two couches.

"Uh hi" I say as I walk out.

"You had quite the first night back" she says.

"Yea I feel like shit." I tell her.

I realize I have been drunk and high for a solid 36 hours at this point. And so waking up this morning I'm feeling like absolute fucking garbage.

I also feel like crap for hooking up with someone who isn't Tessa less than 2 days after leaving. Do I remember hooking up with her? Absolutely fucking not. But still hate the idea of thinking I did.

Dean wakes up. "So I see you met Taylor...Eli's Ex" he motions to his roommate passed out on the couch.

Great I think to myself and I just kind of nod my head as in to agree that yes indeed we have met.

"So you thinking about crashing for a while or you going to go back to your mums?" He asks.

And I know the right thing to do is go see my mum and go home. But I kind want to go back to that feeling where I wasn't thinking about Tessa, or anything or anyone.

"I don't know man." I reply.

"Well stay as long as you need" he replies.

As he is handing me a beer and putting a pill in my hand. "Here take this it will make you feel better" he tells me.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Oxy." He simply replies.

Alright so blow yesterday and oxy today. I'm all for trying new things but this sounds like a recipe for disaster. And it is I know that...but what do I have to loose I already lost it all.

So my whole 10 minutes of not being fucked up was good while it lasted.

I spent the rest of the day drinking. Actually the next several. Everyday was a fucking haze and it was great.

I started being the middle man for Dean and moved product for him or should I say drugs.

Eventually I finally got another phone. But it was nice being off the grid while it lasted.

I realized today was 2 weeks to the day that I have been gone and I should be hearing from Tessa. Well maybe...if she does actually want to speak to me.

And well the first person I call is Vance. "Hey" I say into the phone.

"Hardin is that you?" He questions.

"What's up man?" I say as if I'm calling to have a normal conversation which maybe I am I don't even know anymore.

"I called your mum to see when you got in and she hasn't heard from you." Vance says into the phone.

"You know I've been really busy since I've been back" I tell him.

"Why do you sound like that?" He asks.

"Like what?" I ask wondering what he's referring to.

"So fucked up?" He says and I realize fuck I'm not good at hiding this.

"Did you give her the letter?" I ask ignoring what he said.

"No. And I'm not going to." He says.

"That's not fucking up to you Vance." I yell.

"She is finally okay since you left and you need to get your shit together." He yells into the phone.

"Alright well fuck you too Vance." I say into the phone and hang up.

He tries calling back and I ignore the call. He texts me "call me"

She's finally okay? What does that even mean? How is she good? ....
And I can't even function from one day to the next without getting fucked up.

Fuckkkk I yell out loud.

"Everything alright Scott?" Dean yells from his room where the door is cracked.

I nudge open the door and am about to respond and I look down and notice he's shoving a needle into his arm.

"Ahhh sorry man I should have knocked" I say to him.

"It's all good. You ever try it?" He asks.

"Nah man." I reply.

"Do you want to?" He asks as he throws his needle in the trash.

"Uhh idk." I respond.

"I can shoot it for you if you are worried about doing it yourself" He tells me.

Everything told me to walk away and let this one go. But next thing you know I'm sitting on the edge of his bed with a needle in my fucking arm.

And the rush is like nothing I have ever felt. And all I want is more.

And in this moment I feel like the biggest fuck up but  I also don't fucking care....