After Forever & Ever

Chapter 14

Hardin

So I guess that's it. My mistakes finally caught up to me.

And there is officially no getting out of this one.

I realize I have no one to blame but myself...but how is this my fucking life?

I think the worst part is I don't even think anyone is disappointed in me because it's just expected now that I'll fuck up.

Tessa hasn't said anything yet. And I'm scared to know what she's thinking.

I don't really know what to say either but I mouth to her "I'm sorry" and she looks away. I then notice my Mum and Vance walk in.

I can tell that both of them already talked to Adler just based on the looks on their faces.

Again no one is saying anything. Which I think is worse.

"The doctor talked to us and said you can be moved out of the ICU and into a normal room." My mum says which I wasn't expecting.

"Cool one step closer to going home...I mean jail." I say.

"It's only 30 days Hardin it could have been worse" Vance says.

And he's right I guess I am just thankful I don't have probation looming over me because then I couldn't leave and my plan before I got sick again was to go back to the states and be with Tessa and the baby and so I am just going to do this fucking time and move back to the states.

That is if she wants that. I guess I don't even know. I mean fuck why would she still want to be with me after all this. I mean yea she's here but probably because she feels like she has to.

When did I get so fucking pathetic.

Later that day I got moved out of the ICU and into a normal room and they even removed the oxygen. They said I was progressing better than expected which I guess is good considering everything else in my life is shit. Might as well get better so I can sit in a jail cell for 30 days.

Tessa and I haven't said more than three words to each other for hours. And it's weighing heavy on me what she's thinking.

I'm finally in real fucking clothes too which feels amazing even if it is just athletic pants and a tshirt. I just couldn't stand to be in a hospital gown for a second longer.

It did suck having to get help getting dressed from the nurses since I could barely stand for more then 5 minutes.

I guess I should expect to be weak but I just want to be back to normal. Work on fixing my life. Work on a real us with me and Tessa and our baby. Our family that's all I want now.

I think losing everything or almost losing everything has made me want this more than I ever have. Not that I didn't before I just didn't know how to have it I guess...

And it was always something in the way. And yea there's still shit in the way but I've lost enough time. And once I'm out I'm done wasting time. I don't want to let her go ever again.

My mum, Vance, and Landon finally leave for the night. I have no idea where Ken's been and no one has said anything. But I guess I haven't really asked either....

So now it's just Tessa and I.

"Can you lay with me?" I ask her.

"I think I am going to leave for the night too." She tells me.

"Why?" I ask.

"I'm tired." She replies brushing me off.

"Please just lay with me for 5 minutes." I practically beg.

She finally agrees. "I don't want to hurt you" she says.

"You won't" I reply.

It just feels so good to have her next to me in my arms again. I don't want to ruin it by saying something stupid. But I have to know what's going on in her head.

"So what are you thinking?" I finally just bite the bullet and ask.

"Not much to think about." She replies.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"I don't know Hardin now this after everything...it's just a lot." She replies.

And it is a lot I feel terrible that this is what I have put her through.

"I know." I reply.

After a long period of silence she finally says "I have to start living my life again."

"When I can I want to live mine again with you." I tell her.

"Exactly Hardin when you can" she says slightly raising her voice.

"I know. But I promise this is it I'm going to change." I try to reassure her.

"I want to trust you, I do. But I don't know how I possibly could." She tells me.

And I get it what have I given her to go off of.

"Tess, I get it. But please I love you and I don't want to lose you." I tell her.

"What is your plan even? Live here? Seattle? What are you doing?" She asks me.

"I'm going to be wherever you want to be." I tell her.

"What happens when things get hard? Or you get bored? Then what?" She says practically yelling at me.

"I won't leave you again. And I know that's not something you will just believe right now. But I'm not going anywhere." I keep trying to reassure her but I don't think it's working.

"It's just always about you all the time. And I'm done with it." She says.

"So are you saying you are done with me?" I ask scared of the answer.

"I just need time." She tells me.

"Okay." I reply.

"Okay?" She questions.

"Yes I'll do whatever you want if it means we will be together." I tell her and I mean it.

She looks up at me and kisses me.

"I thought you needed time?" I ask.

"I do" she says as she continues to kiss me which surprises me.

"Ouch" I say out loud.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" She jumps.

"I'm just messing with you, come here." I say as I pull her face into mine.

She surprises me again and grabs my dick. "You sure I thought you need time?" I ask.

"Yes now shhh." She says as reaches her hand into my pants.

Fuckkk I think to myself.

I am so fucking hard for her.

She pulls her hand out and gets off of me. "I'm going to get going then." She tells me.

"Are you being serious right now?" I say as my dick is still hard as fuck for her.

"Yep, see you tomorrow" she says as she grabs her purse and walks out.

Fuckkkk. I'll give it to her that was pretty mean.